TEAM SPIDER

"9-11 BY BIKE" 10 year old Team SPider TV tape unearthed

2011-09-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

I shot this footage as the chaos was unfolding. I never labeled the tape, and until today, the 10th anniversary of 911, I never watched the footage. It features me, ( xris Spider) Dave, ( juggy D spider ), my lil Bro, and our neighbors at the Ave A. apt where TeamSPider was born...

In honor of the innocent lives cut short 10 years ago, and nearly every day since, i have cut together this video which captures the day.

Let us remember that those who were able to express themselves before perishing thought about love, not vengeance. Vengeance is what likely killed them. In the days since, we have bombed countless people. Perhaps it is time to lead by example, not misguided retaliation and greed.

JUSTICE ( does not equal ) VENGEANCE

----PS. new tunes to rise from the ash very soon..

AMERICAN IDIOT - a review

2011-01-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

So, the fates bestowed me with 2 front row seats to Green Day's American Idiot play, which seemed like a solid enough mind-less night out. But when Billy Joe Armstrong, who is currently performing in the "musical" ( more on the quotation marks later ), spotted bandmate Mike Dirnt in the crowd several rows behind us and called him onstage… i thought maybe i should bust out my eyeFone and roll off some megapixels for the kids who missed it.

So here it is…
Billy Joe, Mike, and the unfree cast of glee, performing GOOD RIDDANCE/ Time of Your Life

I am not a reviewer, and perhaps I should leave that to the professionals, but since everyone is going to be asking me what i thought, i figure i should work it out on the idiot-net before i actually condemn or praise it to people who actually exist.

On the whole, I'd say that everything, from the cast, to the lights, to songs, to the costumes, to the set, made me sad. It relaxed me and tantalized my senses enough to give the feeling i am floating in the womb, not a care in the world, enjoying the stobe'ing tv sets, handfuls of glitter tossed by Billy Joe from his pockets (when he finally did appear), and feeling like everything is alright in the world, but then i realize I am not in this world, everything is colorful, characatured, and enunciated, except me. Which is basically how i felt in high school, and the reason i never joined the Glee club, or young Republicans, or any of the other clubs which i suspect were all held in the same room at the same time anyway. So, to be fair, i am not sure I could ever really truly enjoy a mindless punk rock musical spectacle, or a mindless spectacle of any sort, whether it be Nascar or Fireworks, I'd have to be pretty high on something to enjoy the moments between people catching on fire. So, just as I could probably not get too psyched up for a job putting together Nikes or stock portfolios, even though I'd like to think I could try, the reality is that if i ever went back in time to do High School 'right' this time, I'd still mess it up and have to face the reality that, as the prophet Dee Snider said, "I am, I'm me."

And that "me" finds himself sitting front row in a "play," that doesn't seem to have a lick of dialogue, posing as a musical that doesn't have a single sing-songy narrative, and in truth is probably more accurately described as a musical revue, sung by random interchangeable glee club members posing as 2-dimensional characters, occasionally joined by the guy they are all barely imitating. That in itself is so surreal, that I almost have to give it 11 stars. Perhaps your life will NOT BE COMPLETE unless you experience it. It will break you down to your core essence, like the bastard child of Freud and a Drill Sergeant, make you face the sad pathetic loser mess faggot conservative dreg that you are, and rebuild you into the perfect man or woman that Dee Snider's great great great grandfather Jesus wanted YOU to be. And it only co$ts 60-127 bucks.

You'll see characters appear for one song, and disappear never to be seen again ( except outside after the show looking to give out autographs ), you'll see characters who are set up to be main characters whom can easily have both their personality, and entire life experiences replaced by two or three cardboard cutouts. Example, cardboard cut out 1. Punk kid with sharpie drawn Black Flag tattoo, 2. the same kid in desert camo uniform, 3. same kid with a prosthetic leg, THE END. And that's 1/3 of the entire cast / "plot" / and show. Feel like more? Well i should charge you ( $127 divided by 3… ) oh what the heck, i'm feeling generous, picture three more cardboard cut outs: Not so punk kid on a couch, same not so punk kid with a pregnant girlfriend, same kid there without pregnant girlfriend, THE END, oh shit, did i just give away 2 thirds of the play? Do i have any more cardboard cut outs left? hmmmmm, Boba Fett, no, Princess Leia, no, oh wait here's three more: Least punk rock kid of all laying in bed, Least punk rock kid of all shooting dope with a girl in bed, Least punk rock kid of all working a suit and tie job… oh shoot, he may actually need four cardboard cut outs, no wait, we can just use the first one again, stand it next to the other 2 guys' third card board cutouts for the big reunion, and… THE END

Thats it. No lines, no growth, no insight, no character, no wit, no chemistry, no mustard, no mayo, no horsey sauce, a plain Lenders bagel, barely defrosted. Surfing upon some randomly strung together mix tape of Green Day songs desperately pretending to represent the characters'… i don't know what, essence? Even the songs, the true heroes upon this battlefield pitting fake plastic brother against fake plastic brother, sisters old enough to be their mothers, and inexplicably large choral groups ( guess that ticket price has too appear to pay for something ), these seemingly indestructible super soldiers of pop infiltration, domination and decimation, limp back missing limbs, sexual organs, and in the case of one song, which shall remain unnamed until his album can be notified, has been reduced to a blind mute quadrapalegic who can only communicate in morse code, incessantly nodding out the message "kill them, kill them, kill them." A selfless act that will be remembered long after we have all died, natural causes or not, by those who remember the few this nation can truly refer to as heroes.

As a kid, I remember hearing the critics of the first Star Wars movie say that you could fit the entire story line on the head of a pin. Well, in this case you could fit the entire plot of american idiot on the three periods after "in a galaxy far far away…" right on that same old pin. And there's no Wookies. Not one. Punk kid on a couch looks like a young Brandon Frasier, but that is no fucking substitute for a Wookie. And unless Han Solo's witty lines happen to have already appeared as lyrics in some early George Lucas pop single, they aint in this version of the pin head. In fact, if you just laid a bunch of space ship explosions and shots of Luke and Leia kissing over the disco version of the Star Wars theme song for 1.5 hours with no intermission, you'd basically have American Idiot. But you'd NEVER know they were actually brother and sister, and yes that might help you might grow up to be somewhat normal, but you'd be living a lie.

On a positive note, Billy Joe Armstrong is still a strong strong vocalist with a time honed, distinct and original signature style, and can pretty much do no wrong in this setting. He walks through the entire debacle like a god walking on the earth he created and appears to be having the time of his life, not to mention making a mint in the process. Who can fault him for letting this wild hog run loose, everyone in the audience seemed to feel they got more then their bottom dollar's worth and lined up to spend additional duckettes on keychains and posters on the way out. In a perfect world live drums and Marshall half stacks would be the centerpieces of every play I ever end up attending, but for now, i guess it's just this one. And theres no denying this is a real crowd pleaser, i'm just still not comfortable in the real crowd.

Guess I'd better write or direct my own musical. Till then, enjoy this one if you can.

PS. BJ, if you are reading this, I am available to rework this entire shindig if you get tired of unbridled success, OR, better yet, lets start from scratch and do a new one… If it's true that ya gotta get in to get out, your are now so in, we could surely rub one out.
see ya.
( chickenman has my # )
Xris

REVOLUTION (and CLIENT) #9

2010-08-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

So, Tomorrow, TUESDAY August 1oth 2010, is the big public hearing regarding NYC's infamous home-made Community Gardens. The delicious little snippets of nature scattered throughout the city, tended to by the communities which they both inspire and calm, and saved by Elliot Spitzer "''needle -- sCKRAtch noise:'"" what wha wha?

Yes the "Sheriff of Wall Street" and infamous "CLIENT #9" was one of the many to rush to the aid of the gardens, but Spitzer was so helpful in this case, they deemed him Client #1, and named the bill / act / legislation after him! Good times, before falling 8 places in the charts...

Also, very helpful were Bette Midler, and 1 or 2 community activists who never bothered to make a record, movie, or high class hooker scandal, so we won't mention them ever....
oh what the heck: TIMES-UP!
Yes, those pesky garden loving, bike riding and very sexy sexy dancing Times-up! activists were part of the SOLUTION 10 years ago, and they are at it again...

Here are some videos, of preparing for tomorrow's big day...

including some original Seth Tobacman art / living demonstration poster power...

so, we will get up early.. ( 11am.. why so early !?!!?)

and go check it out, and report back... we expect to see Reverend Billy, those Times-up hotties ( especially BILL !), NYPD, and many more

Hand out the Save Our Gardens events, download at

Garden calender download

https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0ByzH_2QPmcBVNGY2MDZkOTMtZjY0ZS00NTVkLWI0ZDgtZTkwZjczNWY3MzBh&authkey=CJyI32U&hl=en

more on seth tobacman art at

SETH's WORK

http://www.mediasanctuary.org/node/192````

SUNDAY - BIKE NOISE 3 is on!!!! ( tompkins sq)

2010-05-29T22:22:00.001-07:00

cool new shirts by FLY

available at the Show... buy one, whereever you are, and support the FREE tompkins Square Park shows...
we will mail it to you..

see ya SUNDAY

========================
Sunday May 30th 2010, it's BIKE NOISE 3!
========================
the third annual musical celebration of bikes on Tompkins Square Park, NYC
FREE! 2-6PM ....just follow the noise

featuring Speakers, Literature, Community, Live Bands, and best of
all.... BIKES!

This year's bands have come from as far away as ENGLAND, ( the
Restarts 2:45pm), and "UPSTATE"
( SEW@GE 2pm)... as well as local Bike Punx ( Team Spider 4:15pm &
Wombat in Combat 3:30pm) and the recently reunited (Morning Glory
5:00pm ) featuring members of Leftover Crack and World Inferno
Friendship Society

Last year there were bikes in the former band shell area mosh pit, so
be prepared to stage dive off a tall bike, and RoK OuT With Yer LoK
out!!!

Show is over at 6pm sharp... so dont be late

ride yer bike!

SUNDAY- May 30th Bike Noise 3 is on!

2010-05-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

TUNNEL OF LOVE - Critical Mass NYC 4-30-10 (after the Verdict)

2010-05-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

woah, dude... CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllll .. nice..

so, maybe there's Peace in the Upper East...

those plasti-cuffs comin out on times square just a little too late? just a little too scary...

good thing the TS cam dept. always a block late and an `off-button' short,
or we wouldn't accidentally get secret shots of TARU cops, and Teens Smokin'

Well, in other news, we biked to the Xup 5yr anniversary Screening of the movie STILL WE RIDE (dang, has it been that long?)

Well it gave some perspective on how far the city has come in the last 5 years towards accomodating the anarchists.. i mean non-conformists, i mean sexual contortionists, i mean CYclists !!!

----FLAT TOP SPIDR----

and, one treat, besides people wanting to see the movie a second time prompting the bartender to claim "You're -driving- the customers away"*

*actually they lost more people by turning off the movie ;-)

was seeing some lovely ladies rocking out and dancing to the TEAM SPIDER Music in the end credits: The original/demo recording of "Critical Mass" recorded at -Casa De Spider-, which still sounds cool, even if not as "Hi-Fi" as the Studio Version (as heard in the TUNNEL OF LOVE video above).

WHICH reminds us.. we have to put out that 5year anniversary =SPECIAL EDITION= `Still We Ride' DVD that we have been talking about...!!!!

-- maybe we'll put copies in the TIMES UP Vending machine on South 6th street in Williamsburg Brooklyn...
keep your eye open for that... AS WELL AS-- the RETURN of TEAM SPIDER... Liiiiiive! AIIIIIIIYYEEEEEE

Comin' Live, to Tompkins Square Park, May 30th
BIKE NOISE 3 -- 2-6PM Tompkins Square PARK, NYC
FREE! for all our friends!
featuring: MORNING GLORY, TEAM SPIDER, RESTARTS (UK), WOMBAT IN COMBAT... and the return of SEWAGE.. first park show in 13 years...

Tunnel of Love - ( Critical Mass - Post "tackle video" verdict )

2010-04-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

An olive branch of peace, from NYPD for the cyclists...

4/30/10 - A "chill"ing effect indeed...

POGAN VERDICT is in: COMPLETELY INNOCENT OF ASSAULT

2010-04-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

So... the verdict is in:
Critical Mass Tackle Cop: INNOCENT ( !!!! )

Translation: That horrible Times Square -assault / tackle- video that the world has watched & gasped over,( & over & over )
was all a FIGMENT of your collective IMAGINATION.

Former NYPD Officer Patrick Pogen, was found =innocent (!)= today of all assault charges.

A disgrace. The only thing he was found guilty of, was lying to cover up an assault that apparently NEVER HAPPENED.

In other news:
TACKLED CYCLIST MR. LONG: GUILTY of being a non-repentant marijuana user
CRITICAL MASS RIDERS: GUILTY of being "professional anarchists who are taking over our streets" ( Actual Quote* See video below )
CHRIS X. BRODEUR: GUILTY of being hilariously loud and disruptive as Mr. Lynch describes the horror that "mistakes are now crimes"...*

a chilling effect on Officers (considering violent Assaults on bicyclists...)

Bill of Times-Up is hit by the press in his mobile office...
what does the verdict mean?

Behind the scene's of the nightly news...
"why's it funny?"
"all the drama!"
god'dam civilians

Bill's idea for a short trial, and a perfect witness

REMEMBER-- FRIDAY IS CRITICAL MASS !! COME ON OUT...
BRING YOUR BUSINESS CARDS FOR A PROFESSIONAL ANARCHIST NETWORKING SESSION...
Union Square, NYC 7:00 PM...

*we are proud to be featuring the Christopher X. Brodeur uncommonly LOUD audio/rant that you can't hear on the news ( man they have good directional mics... ) as police rep Mr. Lynch gave his Chief Wiggum meets Mayor Quimby spin
for more on the mysterious Mr. Brodeur:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_X._Brodeur

Officer Pogen Trial - "critical tackle" victim's Day in court

2010-04-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

the question is, who is the victim here?
tackled cyclist Christopher Long, or Officer Pogen...

The obvious answer, to the faithful Team Spider followers would of course be the man VIOLENTLY LAUNCHED from his bicycle for riding in a Critical Mass ride.
But, being notoriously rebellious and out of step with the norm, we here in Team Spider'dom have to ask, is Officer Pogen the real victim here?

He was a Rookie cop and basically fired for his FIRST ARREST. Maybe he would have become a good public servant, not a cautionary tale that rookies around the 5 boro's will inevitably reference for years to come... "slow down Rookie, Don't pull a Pogen and get fired on collar #1" "watch out for YouTube."

Now Officer Pogen, already fired, is on trial. He has to answer for what his training lacked, or was ill informed, out of date, coached maybe by mentors out of touch with technology, and the repercussions it can bring. It HAS apparently been Standard Operating Procedure for years for Officers to charge anyone they beat up, with "assault on an Officer". Its a quick and easy way to get the person you beat up to suddenly pray HE isn't going to see the inside of a courtroom at all, for fear HE may be going to jail. Suddenly getting "time served" for getting -beaten senseless- seems like a sweet deal.

I suspect that when some mentor officer coached strapping young officer Pogen on how to fill out his report, the soft in the middle elder was not yet familiar with the power of VIRAL VIDEO. Unknowing that as Pogen was Standard Operating imProperly filling out his paper work, the first wave of momentum was starting to propel the video of Pogen's arrest around the globe.

Anyone can post a video on youtube, as we ALL know... but not everyone can become a viral video superstar, forwarded from desktop to desktop, digital water cooler to digital water cooler, getting multiple views from each person, before they forward it to the next person. All the while in disbelief of the brief but telling video. Not knowing their wasted office time would soon launch the video to be on the FRONT PAGE of the YouTube site, as the "most viewed" video, which equates to EVEN MORE VIEWS... Pogen's libel ridden report would be his undoing before the ink even dried.

All for doing what is completely S.O.P. for officer's assigned to what the powers that need to be, view as DISSENT. Targeting, over-reacting and suppressing basic constitutional rights. Rights which are barely even symbolic at this point, and seldom used by most citizens, and quietly fading away. The right to assemble without commercial goals, or any sponsorship or corporate / homogenous goals what so ever.... the right to hoot and hollar and act crazy with your idealistic friends without being physically assaulted to the point that you are lucky to not have your neck broken, the basic right to "think outside of the box", a concept heavily rewarded if / when profitable, but for the pioneers who take the lumps and none of the profits for the proliferation, (if not revolution) of bicycling in this city, nor less the country at large, it is rarely rewarded or even appreciated. Try to watch TV or read a magazine without find a Bank ad, print campaign, or even perscription drug ad without some bicycle imagery in it. A person who just avoided an ATM fee? Clearly shown by the helmeted hottie riding a clean city street that could only exist on a Hollywood back lot or Canada. Finally found a perscription pill that alleviated your chronic allergies? Of course she did, as the animated rainbow of streaming flowers following the yellow sun dress wearing earth goddess who probably doesnt get enough SAG commercial contract work to actually have health insurance illustrates. The bike silohette is the peace sign of our new times, as loaded with meaning and symbolism as a crucifix, but more fun to ride.

Sadly, Officer Pogen is going to have plenty of time to ride, though i suspect his now broken lineage of a cop family may have taught him how to target and assault, but not how to relax and think out of the box. Just how to fill the boxes out wrong. And that is a tragedy in itself.

X.

Christopher Long, now a Paparatzi darling, has improved his DODGE EM skills

into the sunset...

D.I.Y. Bikes lanes! ( arrested ) / "Parking" Day

2009-12-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

Ha, some guys in Williamsburg got upset over recently removed Bikelanes, and painted them back, we have a report they were arrested... oh well, maybe the next time they will bring cement and make PROTECTED / DEDICATED LANES like we need...

*NOTE* these bikes lanes are often just parking spaces for cabs / places to get "doored" We can't help but think that if Bloomberg was a small town mayor, he'd be painting worthless white lines in grassy fields or along dirts paths, and be bragging about all the "ROADS" he built. Ha.

oh.. flashback, from something we never posted, in Sept.09 we helped Times-up and BIKE BLOG take over a parking space our ABC no RiO on the Lower East Side.. during NYC's Parking dAy... and made it an impromptu concert space, interview show, and grassy knoll to assassinate your inner censor.

PS.
here's some cool TS Pix from Shanesse... ( spelling?) ;-) sorry
thanks..

Again... Thanks! maybe we'll use them in our next 7inch!
( keep sending those pix in teamspiderweb@gmail.com

X / TS

NExt Show: THANKSGIVING WEEKEND: trash bar brooklyn NOV 28th 2009 (plus recent events)

2009-11-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

hey all,
got a TS show comin up SAT (11/28/09),

CLICK the turkey to the right for info>>>

TILL THE SHOW:
here's some PiX/vidz of recent stuff to tide u over.
FIRST OFF: former bandmate SPIKE has been released from Prison after 10 long years,

he rocked out with us at ye ole Team Spider rehearsal cave,
WHERE we learned his new tune...
Like a bird away she flew,

we played it at the Tompkins "SCARE" Park halloween show 2009, on Halloween,

narrowly avoiding the onslaught of RAIN...

BLACK KAT and Count SPIKE'ula !
SPike also joined us onstage for a cover of the Misfits' HALLOWEEN

under the watchful eye of NYPD of course...

Tompkins Shows being D.I.Y., we all chip in, on stage or behind the scenes...
here's JUGGY D working the Board, ( why the band aid on forehead? JUG'll never tell, werd)

and $am hookin' a brother UP !

BUT BEFORE THAT... the PREVIOUS night was the best ride of the year..
HALLOWEEN CRITICAL MASS - NYC 09 !
with UNDEAD ABE LINCOLN... to free the riderz !!! ( B.S. Ticket )

hundreds of bikes, ( critical mass is on the rise in NYC baby)

follwed by a GREAT party, at a GREAT space, ( Surreal Estate, BROOKLYN )

where we played a rockin gig, one of our favorite gigs of all time, ( sadly, no one taped it ;-(/// but our buddy Stephen rolled off one little video* on his phone/camera..)

till we get that BUSH BUSH BUSH Video from Stephan, here's some sexy partiers to tide u over ;-p
every spider loves a black cat!

a mixed health care reform message if we ever saw one..

*Video will feature the NEW version of BUSH BUSH BUSH,,, w/ now updated Lyrics--
--"Bush bush bush"
---"HE's GONE GONE GONE"
----"it's time to REBUILD"
------"the CON-STI-TU-TION !!!!"

and before that... i cant remember,, but we've been BUSY

oh yeah.. rocked a PUNK SHOW at A BIKE SHOP!

above photos by Otto Yamamoto

Bushwick Bike Shop ( specifically )
nice...

here's the owner: KT, kickin it with $AM

oh.. and here's KT calming down the (inevitable) COPS...
who shut the show down..
after they received a report "there are people with guns drawn",
which i translate to:
"its too loud, but if i mention guns, maybe the bushwick cops will show up..."
oh well, at least the final act: Blackout Shoppers, got most of their set in before the clampdown!

ahhh.. bike punk love..

bike punk lonely "love"... find the special item that does not belong...

MORE EXCITING PIX...

BUSHWICK BIKE SHOP PHOTOS, by Otto Yamamoto

UPCOMING:::
come to the BROOKLYN, TRASH BAR show, we are planning a SPECIAL APPEARANCE of SPIKE SEWAGE... rocking a full band version of his new tune:
Like a bird away she flew...

see ya SAT... happy turkey day... pardon them all!!!
XRIS/TS/NYBC/inc.

ps. PRINT and DISTRIBUTE ;-)

& stay away from the cops!

(at least he's not selling time shares like his buddy PONCH...)

Free Sunday Show has MOVED!!!! Tompkins to Europa

2009-09-26T12:46:00.001-07:00

hey all,
we are back! a special free show with our old buddies
THE X-POSSIBLES, plus a bunch of other BIKE PUNK, SKA PUNK, STR8 UP PUNK, Bands!

Show has been moved ( due to Police Permit BullsH*t, and weather forecasts )
to CLUB EUROPA-- in Brooklyn,
still free, tho nice and toasty warm and dry...

come out, see ya soon...

ps. here are some pix from my awesome Birthday Party,
featuring a STZA acoustic request set,
lovely Courtney Dowe,
and Team Spider, featuring the STZA, rockin' out...
more to come.. including video
( of course )

XRIS

courtney rockin the woodstock way

look, its Xris'ical mass - a surprise ride to my surprise party

C-mass arrives at Party

team spider feat the STZA - doin' Fu*K Brakes, Corp Trash

--an amazing unforgettable nite! special thanks to Allie, Mike, Dave, and ALL who planned it, came out, a COMPLETE SURPRISE.. love y'all XRIS !

MAY 09 CRITICAL MASS / TS GIG

2009-06-08T14:58:00.001-07:00

well,
what should have been an amazing ride, to an amazing TEAM SPIDER gig,
was a heavily harrassed ride, to pretty cool gig

thank goodness for the Glassbead Collective getting this out quickly,
We are all waiting ( pesimistically )for the VERDICT in the NYPD vs 5Boro Bike Club case... maybe videos like this will show the judge that this is unecessary, vindictive, selective harrassment and "enforcement" of laws that either dont exist or are considered instantly dismissable by judges.. yet STILL THEY* RIDE
*cops and cyclists...

*NYPD officer ordering scooter cops to follow small groups of cyclists out of Union Square and then following the ride down the Westside Greenway:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5IPR3h8iBg

BIKE SNOBS / NOISE / F BRakes Lyrics

2009-04-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hey all, XRIS here, announcing that the TS is back in action, after a nice break from reality, the web, and modern life in general. (I myself haven’t checked my email in six months or turned on the TV in the last four, so I am feeling cleansed.;-)

But all that is potentially changing, because we are currently crawling out of the bright pit of new romance, over employment and other fine distractions. Carefully observing what damage, or good, has been done by this technological withdrawal. Some people still call me personally on the old 20th century device the cell phone (R.I.P. my beloved Star-tek, now I be rockin’ a pricey iPhone), well, those old school friends have expressed their hurt / offense that I don’t welcome them into a facebook / twitter presence I either never embraced or had in the first place. To all those folks, sorry about that. Though it may happen again. But for now, I am logging on to the half-life. I personally will be reflecting back on the interesting experiment of complete withdraw, while we in TS slowly reintroduce ourselves to the modern tech world we withdrew from, seeing what we really do “need”. Which seems to parallel what much of the nation seems to be doing with their wasteful economic lives.

TO THE BLOGS!

I don’t know how much we need blogs, but clearly they can be fun, if not powerful tools. Or in my case, luring temptresses, because I was finally drawn back on to the interwebs, as our beloved bassist Juggy D. told me: “Reconnect your series of tubes, Team Spider is on BIKE SNOB”. The mysteriously anonymous yet ever blogging Sir Snob Esq. Writes that we have given the brake-less fixed gear community their theme song, referring to our crappy little ditty FUCK BRAKES. Ha. Why not? Most people probably don’t know the lyrics, or what inspired the song, but we’re glad the general spirit is embraced. ( though BikeSnob picked up on the political themes stating “(brakeless fixed gear) has officially been elevated to a rolling metaphor and a political statement.”

Nice, though he isn’t optimistic people are going to take to the streets and make the world a better place, a stern letter is the first step away from a blank stare.

Since people are discussing the lyrics /origins Fuck Brakes, might up well clear up the confusing.

SIT BACK KIDS AND HEAR A TALE, A TALE OF A FATEFUL TRIP…

The FUCK BRAKES song and general shenanigans are the result of a combination of events, starting with an old fixie sticker that was floating around a few years back. An ancient time, when dragons roamed free, and the fixed gear community was much more of a cult riding without brakes, then a fashionable phenomenon. It attracted, if not required, a certain state of mind, as much as a crucial level of skill. Hence the FUCK BRAKES stickers affixed to many bikes and items, such as our guitarist $am’s helmet (featured on our Fuck Brakes EP cover looking somewhat military like). Ironically, in the distant past I had a bit of a paternal stance against non-messengers riding fixed on the streets of NYC. And I wasn’t even a messenger. I remember long conversations w/ Mike Green of bikeblog where I doubted that random commuters had a suitable skill level to deal with NYC realities. The exception being our 8-10 hours a day bike riding, midtown-traffic battling, road warrior Messenger friends, who initiated the use of fixed gear riding on the streets of NYC in the first place. My opinion was sadly reinforced after personally witnessing an old lady launched in the air on 8th and Broadway after a young guy skidded into a full crowd of people crossing the street. The impatient pedestrians were crossing against a light, so the kid certainly was in the right as far as traffic rules went. But much like the Pope’s stance on condoms, he was not really factoring in reality. In the streets of NYC, it’s the rules of the wild Wild West, aka: if you’re going to take your guns to town, you better be fast on the draw. Or in his case, able to stop. Though, much to the rider’s credit, he took responsibility and stuck around till the end -knowing the inevitable red flashing lights on the horizon would probably represent more than just ambulances. Even in the face of an escalating mob scene, including one person in the crowd who exclaimed in disbelief, “He doesn’t even have brakes!” At which point the young guy was saved from a possible crowd lynching by firefighters, who inexplicably were there before the police, (who never came) complete with their truck and Dalmatian.

Anyhow, bicycle deaths were definitely on the rise. Though I doubt any statistics exist to see if the rise of fatalities were at all fixie related, I personally linked it to lack of experience mixed with a lack of infrastructure. The city was not exactly catering to the onslaught of new cyclists of any type. In fact, cops seemed to be harassing and arresting cyclists at every turn. Hundreds of dollars in fines for “riding on the sidewalk” as people mounted up in front of their building rather than on the street. Messing with Critical Mass’ers by claiming they were “protestors”, or “parading without a permit”, charges, which aren’t grounds for arrest in the first place. (If we tend to believe in the Constitution).

And so it was on a Critical Mass bike ride, the weekend before the 2004 republican national convention, that I found myself in the infamous NYC tombs for over 30 hours (well over the 24hour due process requirements), shackled at the ankles to other cyclists while mysterious G-men carrying palm pilots asked us questions about our roommates and other uncalled for invasions of privacy, all the while giving the impression that cooperating with their Intel gathering would make it all go faster. Funny enough, bassist Juggy-D was my roommate at the time, and I refused to needlessly sell him out. Though it turns out he was in handcuffs somewhere else anyway.

At that point, between the endless electronic fingerprinting, and questions that revealed more than they obtained, I came to realize… I am now in the system.

I had always avoided partaking in the system / grid / economic debt traps etc. for their obvious (to me) chains and seemingly nightmare-like realities. So the idealistic, naive and chronically optimistic me, had always avoided at great lengths being documented. Where many of my friends had no licenses or ID’s, they were constantly being arrested. I lived the same off the grid lifestyle, but had a knack for not getting tangled up with the law. This was back when paper trails were actually on paper, passports were stamped not scanned, and living a low budget lifestyle meant wonderful anonymity as much as it did poverty. Nowadays it seems that with just a couple keystrokes you can find out your local dumpster diver’s home address, not to mention life story (and nude pictures!). But back then, the few times I had been captured by authorities it had at worst maybe resulted in finger prints on some old index card system, forgotten names and phantom addresses. But now, in the modern reality, suddenly, they had me. Fingerprints, digital photos, profiles, associate, and with this (perhaps inevitable) attaching of my heavy chains, I felt –surprisingly-- FREE. Like blazing down the avenue, taking lights, no brakes, maneuver or die time, saying, (or better yet- living) the words: FUCK BRAKES.

When I came out of jail, the Police of course “accidentally” switched everyone’s keys so no one could get in their homes upon release. And for the first time in a while, I found myself stuck on the streets, dehydrated, spent, assumed to have been whipped into shape, while in reality, I was no longer hiding in the shadows. Reflecting on my reality I started penning lyrics.

--Again the hell of my jail cell
--Rats and roaches make prisons swell
--Your harps and clouds of yesterday
--They drift away

Feeling free about the future, confirming my long running form of atheism from popular religions such as capitalism, Catholicism, self imposed isolationism,
I found myself looking backwards… and recognizing what the systematic arrests were all about…

--Mistakes were made
--In the land of the free built by their slaves
--Taught how to behave
--By corporate crooks
--Digging our mass graves

And that really nothing is new, except maybe for my own self-awareness, of how they motivated me, more than scared me…

--I never colored within the line,
--My flags and bridges burn far behind
--East side, west side, you lie we die
--Doored and doomed, still we fucking ride.

Suddenly, the powers that be somehow made riding a bike, political.

Well, all those initial lyrics sort of got lost in the piles of stuff floating around team spider’land. (See recent moving of Zak’s 30,000 lyrics ;-)

And sort of forgotten about. We would sometimes joke about living the ‘fuck brakes’ lifestyle. And how it equally applied to our cats, Snotty and Ratt, who spent every waking moment conspiring on escaping the house. Always running into the busy alphabet city streets that we were so set on protecting their naive little butts from. And of course 80 yr olde ZAK, who lived in such an immediate and present fashion, that his life appeared as reckless as the life of a teenager. Living the fuck brakes lifestyle is likely why he fit so seamlessly in the underground squatter punk scene.

Then, when ZAK passed away, we weren’t sure what to do. Should the team Spider call it ‘quits.’? Was the TS moniker more a chain and burden at this point than a benefit. What would Zak want? When we knew Zak would only ask: what do you want? And after some chilling, we decided we wanted to keep rocking out, hanging, having fun. We had lots of songs sitting around, and had spent much of our time over the last few years caring for Zak, that we never got to tour or record, a.k.a. do things that normal bands do. Soon, inspired by Zak, and more obviously our cat’s, out poured verse 2:

My kitty cats
Snotty and Ratt
Wait by the door for sneak attack,
Breaking free from my laws and lies
Their sweet meows say
“Fuck it, still we ride”

And soon we were recording our shitty little EP, deciding in a typical commercially suicidal decision to call it: FUCK BRAKES

Never the less, we got to tour Europe,
Where we made lots of new friends, and new adventures, rocked the Cycle Messenger World Championships in Ireland, lost passports in Belgium, rode protected bike lanes in Amsterdam, and even installed a much needed “American” shower in Paris. Along the way we self-taped and produced a feature Doc, FUCK BRAKES: THE MOVIE (of course) --the title of which already has distributors backing away slowly, --
But STILL… we plan to put out this summer.

So, now fixed gear riders are popping up everywhere. Skilled riders are all over, alleycat races are popping up that feature more non-messengers than messengers. Tall bikes, cruisers, 10 speeds and every other flavor are appearing so quickly that the cars have been forced to wake up. A large bike community sharing the road with the beasts, usually with admirable, (& often still required) skills, while more and more bike lanes, including European style protected lanes, are starting to appear. And, most surprisingly… the city is slowly (not so surprising) adapting to the unstoppable cyclists, potentially making it safer for all involved.

So, maybe FUCK BRAKES the song is, or will be embraced by the community who were inspired by the community who inspired it, but we probably have to make a good recording of it first! (—I still don’t like that shitty studio version floating around…got suckered into a ‘fancy’ studio where we mistakenly played around with it till we were broke and couldn’t afford to re-do it the way it should have been done in the first place: One take, raw, and on fire.--) *someone in the bikesnob comments called it ‘punk-lite’ ha. Pretty accurate. For now I’ll just enjoy it playing it Live.

Well, whoever embraces the song, thanks. Meanwhile, we’re just planning to continue to try to do things our way, making our own mistakes, having fun, riding bikes, rocking the Ska-core, and spreading the bike core reality.

Living free, not ready to die
Fuck brakes!

XRIS
\n/
b\/c
/y\

--On May 3rd, TEAM SPIDER is returning to the LIVE realm, with a FREE Bike-Punk show in Tompkins Sq. Park, ---BIKE NOISE 2!---
Featuring lots of our friends and favorite bands including: MISCHIEF BREW, WOMBAT IN COMBAT and more… Tompkins Square Park, Sunday MAY 3rd, 2009, East Village NYC, 2-6 PM.. co$t: Free. Ride yr bike.,

-------------------
FUCK BRAKES, complete lyrics:

St Peter at the pearly gates
Asks me why did I say fuck brakes
You mean we’re free to decide?
Might fall, but not today
Fuck gravity
And the USA
Cause we’re going down
Either way
Whoa oh- Fuck Brakes

Mistakes were made
In the land of the free built by their slaves
Taught how to behave by corporate crooks
Digging our mass graves
I never color within the lines
My flags and bridges burn far behind
East side, West side, you lie we die,
Doored and doomed,
Still we fucking ride

Whoa oh, Fuck Brakes
Again the hell of my jail cell, rats and roaches make prisons swell
Your harps and clouds of yesterday,
They drift away
My kitty cats Snotty and Ratt
Wait by the door for sneak attack
Breaking free from my laws and lies
Their sweet meows say
“Fuck it, still we ride”

Whoa – oh Fuck brakes

Saint Peter at the pearly gates,
Again asks why? did I say fuck brakes?
Like we’re free to decide
Might kneel but not today
Fuck religion,
And the USA
Cause we’re on our knees
Either way

Live free or fucking die
(We’re free to die)
Live free or fucking die
We’re free to Fuck Brakes!

==============

BLACK FRIDAY MEMORIAL for JIMBO

2008-12-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

A memorial takes place at the WAL-MART in valley stream...

no thanks to the wal-mart security, who are better at blowing out memorial candles "for our safety" than actually saving their employees lives ( or general health )

higher quality video of events, as hosted by VIMEO:

WALMART MEMORIAL - Reverend Billy on Long Island from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

and BLIP TV
http://blip.tv/file/1525150/

WALL 'O DEATH - Walmart Worker Killed / Reverend Billy

2008-11-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

from the gothamist.com:
"Nobody was trying to help him. They were rushing in the store, rushing, rushing, rushing." A cop said that cops performing CPR on Damour were also stepped on by shoppers. Another shopper said that Wal-Mart employees' pleas to shoppers were ignored, "When they were saying [shoppers] had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, 'I've been on line since Friday morning!' They kept shopping."

So, another crazy BLACK FRIDAY.,,
can remember momma spidr trying to drag me outta bed years ago to get a TV at one of these madhouses.. luckily my lack of ability to rise early may have saved my life...

Ye Olde Team Spider had a good time on Black Friday, sleeping late, hanging with Rev. Billy and the Choir, shooting some Video w/ Leanne and VLAD from GLASS BEAD COLLECTIVE,

getting dinner with THE STOP SHOPPING CHOIR,

***had to wonder if ==eating out== counted against "not shopping"...
but thought to the movie: BREWSTER'S MILLIONS, when BREWSTER (RICHARD PRYOR) bought the Million Dollar stamp, breaking the "you can't have anything to show for what you spend," and the rich white guys thought he was dumb, but Brewster then used the vintage stamp to mail them a post card... well, I'm using that as a precedent..

meanwhile...back @ dinner>>>>> MIKE DEE

and XRIS chilled with their respective special Lady friends... as the Ladies probably wondered what they were getting themselves into...

SO, missed most / all of critical mass, BUT did get to see the NEW TiMes-UP! Soundbike....
((((WE HOPE TO MAKE A TEAM SPIDER / TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK MOBILE SOUND SYSTEM SOUND BIKE IN 2009 !!!! ))))
thanks to the MADE IN QUEENS crew for making this thang rock...

and.. looking to the future:::
got to see the new kidz on the block, hold down the forts / courts as they got worthless tickets // "ensuring their own safety" ***

***same message the "Public Servants" were sending to the REV,
<<<<>>>,.

while Ye Olde Spiders... retired to home, to have lots of excellent sex.

see ya in 2009...
sucka's

WALL 'O DEATH - Walmart Worker Killed / Reverend Billy

2008-11-29T07:56:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

another day

another deth

another sorrow

another breath

Election Night - IN HARLEM !!!

2008-11-04T23:59:00.000-08:00

Obama wins!!!!
and Team Spider and friendz are there to !!!celebrate!!! with their uptown neighbors in Harlem. "Aint no stoppin' us now/././"
;-)

HERE's The WORKING VIDEO !!!!!! ( sorry original was choppy, fixed it! x.)

and here's the vimeo / higher quality version! enjoy:

Election Night 2008 - HARLEM / 125th street !!! Obama Elected ;-) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

BIKE SHORTS! - Manhattan (Oct 08)

2008-10-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

Our good friends Ken and Luke who run the BIKE SHORTS Film Festival are bringing the fest over the Bridge, outa Brooklyn, and into our Hood: ALPHaBET CiTy, NYC, ;)

SUN OCT 12th 2008, 7pm, FREE, at Solar One, !Outdoor Cinema!
Expect beautiful sunsets, drunk cycling, drunk cinema, and sobering mornings in a 9th precinct jail cell.

Included within the many fine cinematic.biketastic.braincandyicious BIKE SHORTS in the rooster,,,, IS... the fine new Team SPider TV / Sliding Scale video:
"BIKE PIT" feat. Wombat In Combat, performing -Live by the Bike- (or die by the car)
( 3min)
AND
PARIS VELIB! ( as seen by Drunken Americans*)
*aka Team SPider
(11min)

after "BIKE PIT"'s and "PARIS VELIB!"' s BIG Screen Festival Premier, we will be hosting the lo-fi version of the VIDEO on something called YouTube, (you'betcha!)... startin' monday,,,
More info:

BIKE SHORTS WEBSITE

MAP TO SOLAR 1,
LOCATED on the water @ beautiful Stuyvesant Cove, ( ave C / 23rd st Manhattan)
Solar One Map

Tompkins Sq. Punk - Free Speech and BEYOND

2008-09-30T14:27:00.000-07:00

So, a great, (wet) weekend on Tompkins - despite the weather we soldiered on. keeping with our motto:
STICK TO THE PLAN.

Here's a Video smörgåsbord / look back at the weekend, especially featuring: STAR FUCKING HIPSTERs
( who's album TILL WE'RE DEAD comes out TODAY! on FAT Records )...
SFH: 9/11 was an inside joke: ( tompkins 08 )

SFH: Life Causes Cancer (classic / 05)

SFH: Mothers Behind Bars ( classic / 05 )

plus more videos to come:
including Wombat in Combat- & the bike pit
Till then, here's a look forward towards the many upcoming Fall 08 TOmpkins SHowS,
((((decibel meters be damned:)))))

===========================================================================
THE TOMPKINS SQUARE HARVEST REBELLION IS ON!!

Join us for free shows in New York City's Tompkins Square Park, featuring
great music, political speakers, information and lots of surprises!!

[East 7th Street + Avenue A, from 1:00pm - 7:00pm]

These shows celebrate the vitality of the counter cultural scene that has
survived on the Lower East Side, despite the rampant gentrification,
soaring rents and lost venues that have contributed to the cultural
genocide sweeping New York City.

> October 12: THE SHADOW Presents: David Peel, Rubber Room Rats, The Pigs,
El Muchacho, Endangered Feces, Fisherman Vibraphonic Orchestra (More
performers to be announced)

> October 25: DIGITONE RECORDS Presents: SOAP, The Influence, Since 1913,
Cinema Cinema, Terry Garland (More performers to be announced)

> October 26: WAR (Women of Art + Rock) Presents:
GLOB (Gorgeous Ladies of Bloodwrestling), Deth Race, Skum City, Blackout
Shoppers, Trauma Team, Gutter + Spine, Penny Pollack, Renata Terase

For more info, go to: http://tsplive.org and http://shadowpress.org

REBUILD THE TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK BANDSHELL - Sign the petitions at the
shows!!

Sponsors needed – please call 212-631-1181 (24hrs) or
email us at: theSHADOW@MediaFilter.org

BUSY WEEKEND ! ( Wall St Demo, Crit mass, Red Hook Gig, Tompkins )

2008-09-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

whew,,, hard to keep up.. (though that's better than being bored.)
First Up, here's what went down yesterday on WALL STREET, for those who couldn't attend.feel alone.pissed.confused. (see video)

Cops were very cool, respectful , and sympathetic to the public's response.

TONIGHT! is Critical Mass NYC, 2 months ago they violently tackled/assaulted a guy, last month Riders pleaded to "go back to the old days"..(see video)

--
TONIGHT! ???what will happen tonight??? ( 7pm'ish... Union Square North)

View Larger Map

Well one thing will happen.. We are gonna leave Critical Mass early so the ole TEAM SPIDER can rock out w/one of our favorite Brooklyn Bands: the Spunk Lads (@ rocky Sullivans, 34 Van Dyke st, red hook, BK, 9pm sharp. spunx at 10, Blackout shoppers 8?)

Then maybe bike up to Death By Audio to watch AN ALBATROSS kick off their tour at Midnight.. ( death by audio, south 2nd, williamsburg BK)

View Larger Map
THEN,..
We TRY to catch some sleep, so we can be peppy for Saturday's "FREE FUCKING SPEECH" rally

at which Xris will speak, do some acoustic numbers ( including maybe --Know That I love you-- )
-flashback "know that i love you" on tompkins-

And $AM wil be performing with Wombat in Combat.. spreading the marsupial reality..

View Larger Map
Pedal Fast, and Try to keep UP
T.S.

Why we need a FREE SPEECH RALLY !

2008-09-25T14:41:00.000-07:00

FREE! FUCKING! SPEECH! RALLY

SAT. Sept 27th, 2008
2-6 PM –FREE—
TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK
( live music by Star Fucking Hipsters, 2-Man Advantage, Joe Coffee, Wombat in Combat, Xris Spider,.. more )

-A Reaction to a Reaction to a Reaction-

----------------------------------A BRIEF HISTORY---------------

Against all odds and seemingly insurmountable douche-bag’ism, the East Village and Lower East Side artists, residents, patriots, anti-patriots, old, young, people of color, and all those who “haven’t gone anywhere” hold down the fort of Lower Manhattan until the great even’ing. Sometimes these stubborn world citizens have cautiously raised their voices… successfully holding political rallies and concerts. That was UNTIL, a NEW Weapon was unleashed upon the masses of non-masses:

-------------------------------THE DECIBEL METER…..

The latest cowardly Attack on Free Speech comes in a device that seems as innocent as a Tazer, but far more dangerous. The Tompkins Square rallies and concerts, often containing un-popular speech dating back to the 1800’s, are now being selectively shut down when they reach levels of 70db at 100 feet ( or approximately 5 words of dissent per minute). By comparison, a vacuum cleaner generates 70db of noise as far as 25 feet away, and a passing city bus easily sends the decibel meters over 70 db at almost any time. Ironically, the crowd applause level after a song or speech at these events is usually loud enough on its own to allow the dream police to shut the entire event down. While the similarly amplified Charlie Parker Festivals, bag-searched screenings of Batman Begins, and H.O.W.L. festivals seemingly only generate 100+Dbs of more pleasing speech. Can the NYPD, in the midst of a bicycling crisis and fake election year, afford the resources to send enough officers to physically hold the decibel meters, shut down concerts, and taze teenagers…? Sadly, read on

------------------------------------- CURRENT EVENTS----------------
On SUNDAY AUG 3rd 2008,
At last months' 20th Anniversary of the Shameful Police Riot in Tompkins Square, the scheduled Concert/Rally was forced to turn the “volume” down and down and down again by decibel meter holding officers, to the point where no one could make out much of anything. The electric bands eventually being completely shut down, the Hungry March Band swooped in like avenging angels and continued to perform in no-electricity-required glory. As a result, the desperate police, with no plugs left to pull, cowardly imposed a $1500 fine and promises to the organizers that more fines would be arriving by mail.

--------------------------------------NOT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE----------------
On FRIDAY SEPT. 5th 2008
As a reaction to the this -Selective Enforcement- of ridiculous, unconstitutional, police determined laws, levels and regulations, a concert was held DIRECTLY OUTSIDE the East Village’s 9th Precinct. Although the organizers made every effort possible to reduce the officers’ commute time, making their efforts to destroy free speech as exercise-free and exertion-free as possible, all the participants interested in FREE SPEECH, instead of FREE DONUTS were still met with a heavy hand. Each subsequent musician and political speaker was forced to turn down to lower and lower volumes, until the rally devolved into a simple unplugged Sing-A-Long. The climax of which found an acoustic guitar wielding Stza Crack ( possibly not his real name ) leading the crowd through songs that would have made Pete Seger and Woody Guthrie proud. Assuming they would find pride in the fact that their legacy is now continued on in the form of troubadour singing about burning churches, killing cops and smoking crack.

----------------------------------DOLLARS FOR DONUTS---------------
At the end of Mr. Crack’s set, someone in the crowd handed the modern son of Dylan a box of donuts, which in a disgustingly wasteful manner, may or may not have ended up being individually hurled in the direction of law enforcement professionals, who were reported to be watering at the mouth. What their mouths were watering for is still unconfirmed, but this act was the final tasty straw for said city employees, who spent the rest of the evening leading a city-wide canvas in order to capture Mr. Crack. The elusive yet public figure had slipped away after the concert by brilliantly changing from one completely black outfit, to a different completely black outfit, assuring his escape from the detail oriented detectives.

-------------------------------TAZERS INTRODUCED, NOT RECEIVED WELL------------
Fortunately Mr. Crack, ( again, name unconfirmed) was later found in Tompkins Square Park, unapologetically strumming his acoustic guitar and was quickly whisked into a Police Cruiser heading to the Tombs. Soon a bevy of young fans were tazed and arrested after laying in front of, jumping on, or dumping trash on the cruiser. Realizing the futility of “telling the officers to not taze them”, the youths accepted the punishment, though not completely in silence, if ones counts the screeches of pain. The music / constitutional law / surrealism fans were soon hauled off to jail along with the cop killing, donut throwing, church burning Mr. Crack, who somehow, despite all these felonious activities, had managed to escape arrest for all these years.

This SAT: the SAGA CONTINUES…. Tompkins Square, It’s Everywhere

-Xris Spider.

More on INFO on this weekend’s FREE!FUCKING!SPEECH! CONCERT / RALLY, VISIT: http://www.myspace.com/slidingscaleproductions
For Photos/Videos/ & more detailed accounts of recent Jelly Glazed Donut related events, VISIT: http://www.teamspider.blogspot.com
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

beat Me w/ a Spatula ( rev billy arrest )

2008-09-19T06:42:00.001-07:00

cookin' up change

(get it)
werd.
x
more to come.. incl Dinner Infiltration tape

HIGH QUALITY version ( faster connection )

Beat Me with a Spatula ( Rev Billy Arrest ) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

An Albatross - Music Video

2008-09-16T03:18:00.000-07:00

I've recently been asked to help make a music video for our old friends AN ALBATROSS.
---"classic" Aa VIDEO- (requires faster connection) /vimeo/

An Albatross - LIVE on Team Spider TV from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

These are old dear friends of the TEam SPider, some of whom went to the same high school as myself, and all of whom loved ZAK making him a happy man with their antics and constant invitations to have him inroduce them at big live events...

ZAK would consistently announce: "And now, it's America's favorite band..." ( even back when Aa were playing to rooms with 10 people ).

Well. i don;t know if An Albatross are going to become America's favorite band, but in Zak's mind they already are..
---- "classic" Aa video ----- (playable on all connections) /youtube/
here's a !FLASHBACK VIDEO! from the last time they were on our cable show to tide you over, LOOK OUT FOR THE NEW VIDEO!

-xxoo XRIS

New An ANLBATROSS album out next month, Hear the upcoming single: "And now emerges the silver pilgrim"

An Albatross on MYSPACE

Video to Cum

Donuts Disappear

2008-09-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

So.. the mysterious disappearance of the “Donut Incident” video appears to have demanded an explanation…

Alhough I usually find myself living by the wonderful words –‘C.a.u.t.i.o.n. is a word that I can’t understand’-,
Certain twists of fate have conspired to respectfully ask and / or pressure me to remove the video… at least until the families of the officers, donut’ed in the line of duty, have had proper time to mourn.

The glaze has barely been washed from the city sidewalks and already friends’ homes have been visited, law interpreters have had to been brought on board, and allies introspectively question ‘who has their backs’.

SO, in honor of the word I can’t understand, spoken with the same ease as the Fonz sayin’ –Liver-, so shall the videos be banished from the series of tubes known as the interwebs…

Special thanks to the 28,245 people who watched, laughed, commented, spread vicious lies, cowardly comments, or broken English cheers,
And especially to Team-mate Sturgalicous, a.k.a. Mr. Time to throw the Donuts, a.k.a. the Man in Black w/ the Cruel’er Attack… ST-ZAH, who told me tonight:

“You’re my best friend, AND my worst enemy”

love ya too STZ,
(know this is true)

Xris…..

CRITICAL TACKLE - "One Month Later" - (do the cops apologize?)

2008-09-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

In July 2008, a CRITICAL MASS cyclist was randomly targeted and TACKLED clear off of his bicycle in Times Square, NYC...

Without the VIDEO EVIDENCE widely circulated on YOUTUBE, the cyclist wwas facing jail time for "assaulting a officer."

One Month later, after being
-heavily EMBARRASSED in the media,
-forced to SUSPEND the assaulting officer,
-and DROP ALL CHARGES,
...the Police come out in full force for the next CRITICAL MASS... do they come bearing Gifts, or Grievances... YOU BE THE JUDGE!!!!

Vimeo hosted Version ( higher quality )

CRITICAL TACKLE - "One Month Later" - (do the cops apologize?) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.
Youtube hosted Version ( medium quality)

STZA Tracked, Arrested.

2008-09-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Arrested for free Speech, Donuts...

FRI Sept 5th 2008

East VIllage, NYC

A political rally held near the 9th Precinct in NYC's East Village ended in Police Violence at nearby Tompkins Sq Park. The point of the demonstration was to protest the selective issuing and enforcement of sound permits for political events in Tompkins Sq. Park.

Ironically, the unreasonable permit the demonstrators were issued that day required the bands Team Spider, Banji, and the Crack Rock Steady Seven to struggle to keep their audio levels "below 70db's at 20 ft away". A vacuum cleaner is approximately 70db at 10 feet away.

Each band constantly turned down or off their amps, replacing drum sticks with brushes, and covering drum heads with T-shirts, all in an attempt to not have the rally, which had been targeted by police since its conception, shut down completely. Police and organizers systematically wandered around the event with their respective Db meters, often having to wait for city buses to pass, which alone produced more than 70db of noise. Eventually all amps were turned off and the crowd sang accapella with the acts.
--[video-part 1] THE MUSIC, THE DREAM, THE DONUTS...

Singer Scott Sturgeon, aka Stza Crack of Leftover Crack ended his unplugged set by releasing a previously incarcerated box of donuts into the wild, much to the delight of the crowd.

Long despised for his "anti-police, anti-organized religion" lyrics, Mr. Sturgeon was later tracked by police to Tompkins Square Park where he was performing acoustic songs with /for a small group of fans. Despite Mr. Sturgeon's attempts to disguise himself as a striped sweater wearing young urban professional, he was arrested and put in a black sedan.

Young music fans attempted to lay in front of the surrounding police cars as large officers would single out, tazer and violently throw the children to ground, often kicking them in the head and face for added public safety.

--[video-part 2]THE REACTION, THE BEATINGS, THE TAZINGS...

Currently. approximately 6 arrestees, including Scott Sturgeon, are being held in New York City jails.

--[video-part 3] THE 9TH PRECINCT, THE FREEDOM, THE AWAKENING....

quietly, sincerely,
Xris
11:45 am Sat Sept. 6th 2008
see more video at http://www.youtube.com/teamspider

--

Minneapolis RNC paranoia, injustice, envy;;;

2008-08-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

so; our Glass Bead Colletive friends, who are representing in Minneapolis at the RNC while ze in Team Spider rock out in PARIS:::
have been detqined qnd al their equipment confiscated::::

good news, ; we in team spider land took a glass bead camera on tour with us, and when asked if they could swing by TS HQ to pick it up we had to embarrishingly 'fess up and say "uhhhh;;; it's in France"
so XRIS went to the french post office and mailed it to Minneapolis feeling guilty::
a) that we are not at the RNC representing
b) thqt we took their camera across many countries and continents ;-)

BUT;;;; in classic everything working out for the best reality::: the camera we mailed to them is probably the ONLY CAMERA THEY HAVE:: since everything else confiscqted by the fascist pig SS troop free press crushing fear causing and feeling pig fake cops in Minneapolis:::: HAAAAAAA*

*i only wish i stole some of the glass bead cell phones before we left for eurpe 'cause the police took all of the cell phones from them as well::::

remember the lesson from this::: BORROW LIBERALLY FROM YOUR FRIENDS, THEY WILL THANK YOU LATER

(thqt said ,, we just got the bill report from Aaron D who shot the tompkins show for us, with his fqncy HD cqmerq (excuse the ypos:: silly french keyboard'(§è!)
and had his' flip out screen' kicked off by a stqge diver;;;;;
bill = $666 dollars:::
(its dismissed as coincidence)
X;

TEAM EUROPE 2008 !!!!

2008-08-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

comin`soon::::
Learn all about °°°°TEAM SPIDER°°° being JUMPED by a gang of thugs in Scotland,
SQUATTING a hospital full of beautiful women in London;;;
SURVIVING the Rainy season in Ireland:::
CONQUERING the¨VELIB¨(free bikes!) program in PARIS::::

and much much more:::::

TS

Paris:::: DRUNK,
with Rude Ben, from

UNION JACK

(tres bonne Ska-core français)
!

Tompkins Square 20th anniversary

2008-08-09T04:54:00.000-07:00

So, we rocked out the tompkins sq park 20th anniversary concert, a great time. perhaps the greatest tompkins show ever. years of learning, adapting, and working hard has evolved into a tight knit little band of organizers and artists, all volunteer, all dedicated, all giving a lot of creative energy while losing a lot of sleep and hair, and ultimately putting their necks on the line.

Ie: at the end of the show, in a sign of weak willed passive aggressiveness, the police told certain folks that they were being fined 1500 dollars for being too loud. the police actually sat out there with decible meters, making sure it didnt go over 70 db. which is a b.s. number, as in between bands the crowd itself was often registering at 70db. the police would constantly tell poor $am and A-truth Chris to turn down the pa. which certainly was not the source of the unruly decibles.. but definately the source of the anti-cop rhetoric their ears couldnt handle.

the only good thing, is that the cops took an almost playful confrontational tone, laughing at the organizer's deifiance: "Our lawyers will be expecting your mail" is how we left things... a pussy ass ticket is better than a back alley cracked skull, but evil and sadistic in a much slower, terroristic , again passive-aggressive manner.

a 1500 dollar fine to end a concert with a budget of about $420. they are also cooking up (no pun intended) charges for the american flag some people burned during our set...( i believe they tried to light it for BUSH BUSH BUSH, but didnt get it goin' till CORPORATE TRASH...)

i am not much of a flag burner, but it certainly doesnt offend me as much as it did comin up thru public schools where i really was taught to believe what it represented, part of me holds out hope for the flag/ideals of america, but another part says nothing is sacred, this is a revolutionary country, and if we freeze frame on some past moment, we are all living in a dream.

Cops, they arent quite as open minded. Thankfully the mainly rookie looking cops looked more afraid than ready to bust heads. I think its good for the police to fear its honest employers.. this has got to be the only way towards justice, that or recruiting from tough colleges and not relying on recruiting the "living over mom's suburban garage short bus riding sect" that they seemed to attract like a dateline special...

Too many stories to share, good thing i organized about 5 camera people, so when TS gets back from europe i will begin editing a cool doc. / dvd of the days events... and try to cover everthing.. THE RAIN, THE STAGE GETTING PUSHED 4 FEET BACK, THE PERMIT BATTLE, THE LAWYER VOLUNTEERS, THE PUNK BILL ZINE, THE FINES, THE SPEAKERS, THE HISTORY, THE BOOT THAT SMASHED AARON'S VIDEO CAMERA SCREEN, THE PRESS, THE NEWS, THE LITTER, THE COLLABORATIVE PA SYSTEM, THE MADNESS, AND... THE MUSIC !!!!!!!!!!!

STAY TUNED... NEXT STOP : europe!
xRIS.

CRITICAL TACKLE - cop assaults cyclist

2008-07-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

COP ASSAULTS CYCLIST IN CRITICAL MASS BIKE RIDE, TIMES SQUARE, N.Y.C.
7.25.08
news reports part 1

news reports part 2

sadly vimeo has taken down our news comp.... ( and all the time i spend plugging for them) xris

CRITICAL TACKLE ( news reports ) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.
http://vimeo.com/1428260

----------------------corrections-------
Critical Mass is NOT a "protest".
Critical Mass is a BIKE RIDE.

Feel free to CRINGE when you hear this subtle, prejudicial, brainwashing, ultimately INCORRECT LABEL, used by Newscasters (more specifically, their writers ) to explain why cyclists would ever chose to ride in groups...
F.Y.I. : Critical Mass riders ride for personal / safety / illustrative / living art / fun / purposes-- there is no group political agenda.

Anytime you hear Critical Mass being labeled as a protest, the news outlets are being either lazy, and or manipulative... Many Americans consider the word "protesters" synonymous with "people who enjoy getting arrested as a hobby" or "people who should get a job"
which is ironic in a country founded on protest and direct action... (Boston tea party, Revolutionary war, Rosa Parks)

ANY PERSON who likes cycling, or wishes to try cycling home from work, one Friday a month, is welcome to come, join the fun, ride a bike around your city, in a welcoming safe atmosphere.

enjoy the otherwise TRUTHFUL elements being told, or at least SHOWN, by mainstream media outlets.

--------------------------SPIN FACTOR ------------------
for once the News Outlets don't beat impossible odds and actually get the story correct on the video:
- Basic News Position -
"looks hard for the police to explain, no matter how much we try to make it look 50 / 50 on who's in the wrong here"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

good work guys!
X.

==========NY POST ARTICLE.. ( w/ quote from Chris @ end )
source:

NY POST ARTICLE

OFFICER STRIPPED OF BADGE, GUN
By MURRAY WEISS, KATI CORNELL and KYLE MURPHY

Last updated: 1:03 am
July 29, 2008
Posted: 12:00 am
A rookie cop - the son of a highly respected New York City detective - has been stripped of his badge and gun after being caught on video viciously attacking a bicyclist who was part of a Times Square demonstration. '

The startling YouTube video shows Officer Patrick Pogan, 22, apparently setting his sights on - and then tackling - a bicyclist as he pedaled along Seventh Avenue as part of last Friday's controversial Critical Mass ride.

Christopher Long, 29, was among a throng of riders as he whizzed toward the corner of West 46th Street at 9:30 p.m. and appeared to try and swerve away from the officer.

But the video shows Pogan pick up his pace as he stares down Long before shoving the cyclist, slamming him to the pavement.

To the dismay of stunned pedestrians, Long, who was not wearing a helmet, hurtles several feet through the air as he flips off the bicycle and lands on the curb.

Pogan and a second officer then lunge toward the prone cyclist as the video fades to black. The footage, filmed by a tourist and posted anonymously on YouTube, sparked imme diate public outcry and prompted the NYPD to place Pogan on desk duty while the Internal Affairs Bureau investigates.

The NYPD declined to comment further.

What the video doesn't show is Pogan arresting Long for attempted assault in the third degree, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct - charges that kept the Bloomfield, NJ, man behind bars for 26 hours before his release late Saturday.

Adding insult to injury, the criminal complaint drafted by Pogan bears little resemblance to what was witnessed by onlookers and recorded on video.

In court papers, Pogan accused Long of purposely swerving his bicycle to block traffic and then using it as a weapon to run down the officer, knocking him off his feet and causing a "laceration" on his forearm. "You are pawns in the game. I'm going to have your job," Long told Pogan, as he flailed and kicked his arms and legs, according to the complaint.

Pogan has been on the force for just three weeks since graduating from the Police Academy on July 2 and is assigned to Midtown South.

A third-generation cop, Pogan lives at home with his father - Patrick Pogan Sr., a highly respected detective and biochemical and mass-destruction expert who is retired from the Joint Terrorism Task Force.

"He's my son. I'm proud of him. He's third-generation that's been serving the city," said Pogan Sr., who was at home in Massapequa Park, LI, today and said he had not seen the video. "These people are taking over the streets and impeding the flow of traffic. Then you gotta do what you gotta do," said Pogan, 51.

Long declined comment through his lawyer.

"If it wasn't caught on video people would not have believed it," said Christopher Ryan, who rides with Critical Mass and is filming the monthly protests for a documentary. "The video just shows what the cyclists have been saying all along, that the police are still harassing and intimidating them from doing group rides," said Ryan. "An officer assaulted a cyclist for no reason. It's just crazy."

Times-Up! on "YES Network" ( NY Yankees channel ) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

========================================================
======Recent T.S. VIDEOS================
http://vimeo.com/1270566 ( UK / Europe tour )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1boNfItEcH0 ( 5 boro bike tour VIDEO )
http://vimeo.com/1296104 ( Green / activism VIDEO from last week)
========================================================

BIKE NOISE! live on tompkins

2008-07-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday was an amazing time, featuring the FIRST ( annual?) "BIKE NOISE!" concert, on tompkins square park!

Lots of fun things went down, dodging raindrops, calling city council woman Quinn from the stage,
getting dumped on by downpours, the usual equipment magilla / hijinx, bikes, punks,
bike punks, Times-up!, the Shadow, Sliding Scale Productions, The Orphans, Team Spider, Turbo AC's, Wombat in Combat, 241'ers, and lots of other friends...

good rockin'

see more photos / other groups @ Sliding Scale Productions

COMING SOON!
M-O-R-E Tompkins Square PUNK madness...
SUNDAY JULY 27th 2008 ---- OLD SCHOOL PUNK on the PARK
SATURDAY A-N-D! SUNDAY AUGUST 2nd, and 3rd 2008--- 20th (!) Anniversary Tompkins Square Riot! SHOW

all three dates: 2-6pm...
also, movie at night... warm up parties.. more!
MORE INFO, (and photos of other BIKE NOISE! bands at

Sliding Scale Productions

photos: Heather J, video by Xris (to come)

WE OWN THE STREETS - video/brazil

2008-07-01T23:46:00.000-07:00

So, we shot most of the footage for our "WE OWN THE STREETS" music video while riding on this past weekend's NYC critical mass, to be combined with live footage shot at the TOmpkins Square Park BIKE NOISE! concert the next day...
a busy weekend indeed,,,

but not too busy to reply to this coincidentally relevant email request from BRAZIL...

On Jun 30, 2008, at 9:28 AM, Sandinista . wrote:

Hi,

I'm a participant of the Sao Paulo Critical Mass in Brazil and I'm
also a fan of punk rock music. I've found a video of your at
http://bikeblog.blogspot.com/ and Ioved it!
I'd like to write to our discussion list talking about you (we have
some other punk rock lovers in the group!) and I want to also include
the lyrics to "We own the Streets" translated into portuguese. But
although I'm used to do that, in this case it's been a little hard for
me to understand most of it. Who's the writer of this song? I noticed
it's not in any of your CDs, so I guess it's a cover, right?

====XRIS/TS===========
cool, no i wrote it, ( with teamies contributing solos etc later)
after being locked up / arrested for riding Critical Mass nYC , in August 2004
then i added to it 2 years later, when having to attend "public" hearings in the police station (!) as the police introduced laws, falling directly in opposition w/ the US constitution's Right of Assembly, ( 7 people gathering on bikes, or 30 people gathering in a park would be an arrest able offense),
on a day i found particularly relevant, as the family of the recently murdered Sean Bell, was across the street from One Police Plaza, in city hall park, holding a rally ( which would be illegal / an arrestable offense under these new proposed rules ) ...
and the African American community had no idea these rights, arguably even more crucial to their lives, were being brushed away right across the street, and the only people who knew it was underway were the cyclists... **( since then the two groups have come together... see MASS WITH THE REVEREND video , also at teamspider.blogspot.com)

We Own the Streets is on our "FUCK BRAKES " album,
its up at itunes, can get the CD at interpunk.com
we actually shot a music video for 'We Own the Streets' at last weeks critical mass in NYC , gonna be great

would love to see the lyrics translated, we are trying to come and play south america this winter,, january maybe? maybe you know bookers / venues.,..

=============Sandinista . wrote:

Well, I also plan to donate to get the Tee+CD, but is the shipment to
Brazil included on that ($25+)? I'm waiting for the answers from the
others, so that you can ship several items at once and I think the
total cost will be less.

=============Xris====
sound great, i think to brazil / europe etc. people usually include a couple extra dollars for the additional postage... ( 4 or 5 dollars i think does it)

=============Sandinista . wrote:

Best regards!
Igor Garcia

=============Xris====
---thanks for writing , will mention brazil, your letter in our blog!
xris

//////////////////////////////////

LYRICS YOU WANTED:

=======We own the streets=======Xris/TS
I may never get
What we’re taught to expect
What you call privilege
I call respect
Counting me and my friends
Black sheep until the end
The rights you take we don’t fuckin’ lend
To One P.P., ( one police plaza) they summon me
Pant legs stained with grease
Deli bag on my seat, as the cops ride shotgun next to me
Meanwhile across the street, Sean Bell’s grieving widow bride
Gathers with some friends to cry
Unaware these rights are saying goobye
--We’ve got to take a stand
--NO FUCKING PERMITS
--remove your fucking hands
--WE’RE CALLING BULLSHIT !
Right of Assembly, robbed right from under both you and me
My wounded heart grows cold, so fucking cold
It’s power unchecked on America’s favorite set… but
We’re LARGE, Never IN CHARGE, WE OWN THE STREETS
Manifest at my feet…

City council usurped, as they thank the cops for invading their turf..
Feel a dark buzz as I enter their hive, photographed and scanned
Anonymity dies, 50 cops against a back wall grin,
50 shots they’d Like to see me have within..
‘Till they hear the words from one of their own,
See the weakness in their Imagined throne,
only thing that’s worse than a sucker unchecked
is a sucker who knows
He’s got nothing left….
'cause
We’re LARGE, Never IN ChARGE, WE OWN THE STREETS
Manifest at my feet…

The uncaged heart so easily offended, sit close to the pole, never feel your chain end yet,
They drink freely on the rights you expect, till the drunk mutha fucka’s wrap a noose
Around your neck…

Power unchecked is in effect, its 50 shots from a drunk ass cop…
Power unchecked is in effect, its 50 shots from a drunk ass cop…
Power unchecked is in effect, its 50 shots from a drunk ass cop…
Power unchecked is in effect, its 50 shots from a drunk ass cop…

PUNK ISLAND

2008-06-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

6.21.08
Punks invade Governor Island NYC
100 bands
13 alleged stages
1 band o bike punks...

PUNK ISLAND ( Team Spider: We own the Streets ) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

TEAM SPIDER: WE OWN THE ISLAND

photos by heather J, Video by Xris

New York Times article

Garage Days Re-Verted

2008-06-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

A squat benefit show brooklyn...
out back in a sweaty garage,
team spider raises more spirits than funds.

GARAGE DAYS from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

Times-Up! on "YES Network" ( NY Yankees channel )

2008-06-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

Times-Up! on "YES Network" ( NY Yankees channel ) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

Wha wha wha? Times-up on mainstream television, in a positive, accurate and even flattering portrayal...!?!?
HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD???

Someone pinch me....

UNION SQUARE BANNER DROP ( w/ Rev, Billy )

2008-06-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

Concerned Citizens inform new yorkers about the city's plan to turn a Historic Pavilion of Free Speech / PUBLIC PARK (!) into an Upscale Restaurant...

UNION SQUARE BANNER DROP from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

MASS with the REVEREND AL

2008-06-01T19:04:00.000-07:00

An Amazing weekend of bike events...
kicked off with Critical Mass, who had a special guest:
Reverend Al Sharpton and the Family of Sean Bell.

COMING TOGETHER ( Mass with the Reverend ) from Xris Spider on Vimeo.

Our friends from Uptown and Queens know the value to Right of Assembly... just ask Rosa Parks and her fire-hosed friends...

cut to 2008, where Reverend Al Sharpton joins the heavily policed and harassed NEW YORK CITY CRITICAL MASS...

A statement of Unity from diverse people who share a passion / recognize the necessity for the Right of Assembly!

---NOTE---
Sean Bell was an unarmed young man shot 50 times by the NYPD on his wedding night. Sadly this is not a one-off horror, 50 bullets to your brain does the same as one bullet.
( or 41 shots, or a deadly choke hold, or... you get the picture )

--QUESTION--
Don't our tax dollars have higher purposes than paying undereducated gun wielding nightmares to harass cyclists and shoot up young men's bachelor parties...?

---Music---
"We own the Streets" - by Team Spider
a song inspired by the cyclists of NYC battling against permit schemes introduced by the NYPD. Fascist schemes that would allow Police to arrest any 7 cyclists riding together, the clever (law writing??) cops also slipped into the legislation a clause allowing them to arrest w/out cause any 30 people gathering in a park.

As we Cyclists entered the (police station???) hearings to argue these schemes, Sean Bell's family was protesting across the street in front of City Hall, mere days after he was shot..

it dawned on me that Sean Bell's friends, family, and supporters had no idea that laws were being argued and introduced right across the street, at that exact same moment, that would ultimately be used to arrest them, radicalize the turnout, and legally crush dissent---

now,,, thanks to some reaching out, both groups are working together...
AND RIDING BIKES !
werd.

BIKE BLOGGERS / FLOGGERS

2008-05-28T23:42:00.000-07:00

SO, bike month NYC comin to a close, but BIKE FILM FEST just getting started...

On an extremely positive note, MIKE GREEN of BIKE BLOG got his bike back!

Yes, after enduring the friendly, cowardly / not so friendly comments after MIKE told the public how he was conned out of his bike in the East Village,
Mike's public humiliation, not only helped PREVENT FUTURE SCAMS, but the BIKE COMMUNITY rallied together and spotted, rescued, and returned MIKE's Bike, all while he was out of the country,,,

SO its a long story, read more about it at: BIKE BLOG
BIKE BLOG

in the meantime, MIKE n XRIS attended the BIKE FILM FEST kick off party, where they helped underaged people sneak in, drank free PBR's, and mike got a chance to meet / thank one of his vigilante bike rescuers...

feelin' the love from one of the "Vigilante Bike Rescuers",
The Bike Angel demonstrated to Mike how he used a device called a "cell" "phone" to gather the posse that eventually re-obtained the bike,

he then told Mike that he shouldn't let complete strangers, especially those wearing Biggie Smalls shirts, 'borrow' his $1000 dollar track bike... Mike appeared to now understand

They then all laughed at the misguided CAR SERVICE cars (waiting for the 'clubbers' to come out needing rides)

, and got psyched for friday's critical mass, which is rumored to have a certain REVEREND whose name rhymes with "PAL" speaking and riding, and everyone planned to see a film*** shot by lil ole XRIS himself
( ***"GET FASTER" part of the SAT night BIKE FILM FEST program 7,9,11pm etc)

more info at BICYCLE FILM FESTIVAL . com
BIKE FILM FEST

and lastly, there was an accidental meeting of the MINDS!, or at least mindless bloggers..
yes, the holy trinity of BIKE BLOG, TEAMSPIDER, and SUCKAPANTS blogs, unexpectedly converged and had revelatory conversation...

L to R:
Bike Blog
Team Spider Blog
Sucka Pants

transcription / excerpts

BB: Wow, itz good ta have my bike back
TS: Yeah, yer like a hero or something
SP: What font are you gonna blog it in?
BB: i was thinking Helvitica
TS: wow, totally cool.
SP: yeah, that'd be rad
TS: and you could do a hyperlink
BB: whoahhh
SP: That's be even better than touching a girl
BB: how would you know
SP: oh i know
TS: oh yeah, then what do girls taste like?
SP: Batteries
TS: werd
BB: Batteries? Why would you want to taste batteries?
SP: 'cause then they do things for you
BB: like blog?
TS: no, even better.
BB: you guys are teasing me, whats better than blogging?
SP: your kidding right? isn't your wife preggo?
BB: well, she belongs to a public pool.
TS: werd.
SP: this is all making me want to go home and .. uh, blog.
BB: yeah, me too
TS: me too,
SP: cool.
BB: cool.
TS: cool.

--g'night

DOGGIE PARADE !

2008-05-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

How much for that doggie on the bicycle?
Nothing! he's free...
it's the TIMES UP DOGGIE PARADE:
people take to the streets on their bikes, with homeless doggies on board... adoptions and breeding take place!

VISIT: Animal Alliance NYC
for info on where these doggies hang out, and how to find a new best friend.

C'mon.. PUP YER RIDE!

Short Schrift: My Secret Shame

2008-05-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

awww.. sort of a waste of time, but sent by several people this "rant" against bicyclists...
Short Schrift: My Secret Shame
what did catch my eye was in the comments ( usually even more of waste of time unless you really want to listen in on the inner voices of cowards who can type *) *though not spell

which off course had to bring up NYC Critical Mass, as holding up traffic for 30mins etc... here is comment / our reply

teamspider said...

quoting "POINTS"
Critical Mass, a bike group in NYC, has as their slogan "We don't block traffic, we are traffic". But then they launch columns of bikes that shut down intersections because the cyclists all run the red light for 30 minutes at a stretch."

TEAM SPIDER replies:
ha, "30 minutes a stretch", critical mass in NYC has been averaging 50 - 100 people/riders, who ride in a pack,( in columns ?)
even if this hooting / hollering group run a red light, (((which in the anarchy-like zoo of nyc's traffic / pedestrian / delivery truck situation, is usually akin to, and as offensive as jay walking))), you would be at most sitting /waiting in your vehicle, probably alone, sad, getting 8 miles to the gallon, anxious to get home to your virtual worlds of naked teens and self righteous typing american cowards, for 3 or 4 minutes.

Dont worry, the girls of porn and bloggers (myself included ;-) will be waiting for you, insuring we all share our lonely sad kept-poodle existences.

----DIE Critical Mass, DIE humans

love,
H.A.L.

5 BORO BIKE TOUR 2008

2008-05-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

So,
XRIS (team spider)and Mike (bike blog) hit the annual 5 Boro Bike Tour on a TANDEM BIKE. Ch-ch-ch-check out their video yo!... featuring the BEASTIE BOYS (MEN) .

VERDICT: Lots of fun, a great way to see the city, and great way to turn ( even lame ) people on to cycling. Although it costs about 50 bucks, you have to wear a helmet, and you have to register in advance... 3 things team spiderz aren't very good at... it's worth it just to experience the city having NO INTERACTION WITH CARS !, being able to cruise ON THE HIGHWAYS! ( FDR, BQE ) and ride 20 abreast over the bridges ( 59th st. Br., Verranzano etc)... so depending on your lifestyle, this can be a great bargain for a great day out of cycling, ((((or a call to break out the sewing machines and make a realistic looking bib if ya got more time and energy than treasure, either way... fun for all )))
====================Remember:============
___WEAR A HELMET: ( weird secret service types in suits will head you off at the bridges/highways if you have a naked noggin.)
___REGISTER IN ADVANCE: they actually cut off applications at a certain point ( 50,000 riders! dang!) http://www.bikenewyork.com to register
___BRING YOUR FRIENDS: Tell Em: 'No excuses, get on yer bike you lazy worthless piece 'o crap or i am never callin' you again....' werd.

___________<>:><><><><><:<:<:<><:<><>><><>_______
OF course, Xris was hassled by the po-lice twice, once for filming while on the Roosevelt Island tram/cable car. Which resulted in cops, "safety patrols", and even a cop ON A SEGWAY coming after him back on the ground on Roosevelt island, a brief chase on foot, hiding between parked cars, and a footbridge escape later, and XRIS emerged unscathed. THEN> when Xris and Mike were about to enter the Verranzano Bridge they were 'pulled over' ( its hard to pull some of our more famous 'evasive maneuvers' when on a 15ft long bike), and asked quite sternly "Have you ever heard of the Patriot Act!?"

Normally Xris might reply with some smart Alec Trebek remark like "Have you ever heard of the constitution?" or "My friend AL said its OK to film here" "Al who?" "AL__Keida".. but instead we listened to their nonsense about terrrorists will use the video to find bommb placing points on the bridge...

Even if there wasn't ALREADY unlimited photos, videos, and probably blueprints of the Verranzano on the interwebs, i'd say the MOST unlikely / biggest pain in the ass / MOST DIFFICULT way imaginable to obtain Images of the bridge would be to send in a pasty white Jew and a Mick on a tandem bike, in orange vests, during the 5 Boro Bike Tour.!.!.

***ATTENTION: when you and your entire cottage industry of jobs and pensions spending billions ignoring memo's like "Binn LadN plans to use Planes to attack US" start using YOUR OWN BRAINS dealing with the hornets coming out of the nests YOU poke with pointy sticks, then maybe we'll respect your efforts and condescending remarks, till then, stay in the car, sit on your fat ass, and stop threatening to make up charges that "will require us to come to court... several times." So, STAY OUTTA OUR WAY, we're going to shoot our f%cking videoz, and we are MORE so-called "pro-american values" than you even on our Worst Day,

aight...
on a lighter note, heres a video about 3 LADIES biking to modern day FARMS, meeting cool punk-ass farmers, including our buddy Sascha from CHOKING VICTIM ( now a dirty farmer ! ;-)

still in the mood for More TANDEM BIKE VIDEO !?!? here's the video XRIS and MIKE made of IDIOTAROD, shootin from the 'ole tandem... (idiotarod is similar to the Alaskan Iditarod, but it takes place in Brooklyn, with Idiots, towing stolen shopping carts... enjoy:

ABC no RIO

2008-05-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

Team SPider rocks out at ABC NO RIO.
A benefit for CASA XOCHIQUETZAI
(home for elderly sex workers in mexico*)

*... sometimes we wake up and are not sure what we committed to**

**Scottish Wedding, perfect example

SEAN BELL civil Disobedience MIDTOWN TUNNEL

2008-05-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

So, the National Action Network (NAN)'s warning action to "SLOW DOWN" the city ( hinting that they have plans to SHUT DOWN the city ) took place yesterday.

The N.A.N., led by the Reverend Al Sharpton, is seeking justice for 50 shots victim Sean Bell, and demonstrating they aren't going to take the NOT GUILTY verdict laying down, ((unless you count laying down on bridges and tunnels to "Clog The Arteries of the City".))*

*exactly what the city claims Critical Mass attempts to do.

-it should be noted that the police were very professional and cordial to the protesters. Allowing them to be seen, heard, and avoid arrest if they so desired...
( why can't the people we PAY $$$ to be professional, courteous, and respectful at all times?)**

** don't think i'm not looking at you Medical Profession...

6th Street BIKE PUNK SHOW

2008-05-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

so, in honor of bike month, TEAM SPIDER, working with TIME's UP, kicked off May with a "Bike Punk Show", hopefully the first in a series of similar events to be put on by Sliding Scale Productions.

It was a great time, featuring Eric Peterson, Team Spider, Wombat in Combat* ( $am Spider's side project ) , and the Pigs, (feat. Assker Spider on Guitar.)

<<<<>>>

*Wombat record release ( hear W.i.C. at

wombat in combat's MYSPACE

)
wombat in combat's MYSPACE

CRITICAL FUN ! ( the mass is back )

2008-04-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

The Fun is back...
Critical Mass is rebuilding itself, kids return, senile people abound, and XRIS, as usual.. is LOST!

PURE METAL !!!!

2008-03-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

amazing photos by Jim Ferris

3.7.08

more/color photos at http://www.myspace.com/teamspider

St Pabst Day

2008-03-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

happy st pats

From Yer favorite NYC bike Drunks/punks....

____photos Christopher j ryan

BEWARE: The Pies of March!

2008-03-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

So.. another great "clown action", nyc bike clowns, anonymous Connecticut mimes, and a polar bear riding a "liberated" Donna Karen orange bicycle took to the streets... (fake) ticketing cars in the bike lane, stenciling, customizing and improving faded bike lane markers, and generally spreading merriment....

video to come!

xris, TS

LEAP YEAR MASS

2008-03-01T22:20:00.001-08:00

Click To Play

Once every 28 years, critical mass falls on the Leap Year,
every procrastinator's dream come true... you get an extra day!

So what do WE do with our EXTRA BONUS DAY?
What we do best of course: dodge cops, ride bikes, freeze our masochistic butts OFF!

-----------------YOU TUBE VERSION ( 2 parts ) ------------------
LEAP YEAR MASS (part 1)

LEAP YEAR MASS (part 2)

PS....Remember! Next FRIDAY: March 7th, 2008 Team SPider appears -LIVE- at "3rd Ward" Brooklyn. our *10 year anniversary party*

*********
PPS. This summer we RULE the streets with the return of THE FUN! (Critical Mass' REBIRTH!!!!) *stay tuned / tune yer rides !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bike Lane Clowns

2008-02-15T17:00:00.000-08:00

Where are the bike lanes?
Are they safe?
Do they make any sense?

*this message brought to you by the: Foundation for Blindly Donating to the Department Of Transportation In Order to stave off bad karma related to stolen visual art concepts (LLc).

BRAD WILL on MNN

2008-02-12T22:36:00.000-08:00

TSTV is proud to present a 2 part doc. about our departed friend,
BRAD WILL...
tonight, and Part 2 next WED...
tell your rich manhattanite friends ( with cable!)

D.V.R. : ch. 57
time warner cable
10:30 pm.. in manhattan!

live ( not so great) stream at MNN.org at the same time!

X
TS

ORANGE BIKES - DKNY Demands a Car Free New York

2008-02-10T22:49:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

The DKNY Video Action Committee uses ORANGE BIKES placed all around New York City to announce their fashion plan for a Car-Free New York by the year 2018.

The Great ORANGE BIKE Controversy

2008-02-07T16:46:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

A NY Fashion Company decides to co-opt the idea of locking Mono-Colored Bikes around NYC... but unlike the GHOST BIKES (ghostbikes.org), which pay tribute to friends and loved ones who needlessly died cycling.. these bikes are a tribute to the idea of needlessly paying $900 for a black shirt.

BIKE vs. TRAIN (F*Ck Brakes Vid)

2008-01-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

XRIS and $AM head to Brooklyn to play gig at PA$S0UT ReC0rRd$...

A race on the Bridge with a TRAIN ensues.

Even with Gear and Merch on their back, can the Bicycle prevail,,,,???

Click To Play

HAPPY 2000-Gr8 !!!

2008-01-25T22:59:00.000-08:00

Yo SPIDERINO's

It's a New Year and it's gonna be HOT.

Now we know 'up till now itz been cold...
but the new year is now officially kickin it off, Wild-Style, w/ the good 'ole IDIOTAROD... SAT @ noon.
( like the Alaskan "Ididarod", cept itz in NYC and the mammals pulling the "sled" -a.k.a. stolen shopping cart- are a bit dumber)

here's our IDIOTAROD video from last year...
more info at http://cartsofbrooklyn.com

and then, later that same day.. It's TEAM SPIDER's first show of '08

a (rare) In-Store Appearance as the Spider's rock out --P@S$0uT RecOrds-- in Brooklyn.,., ( 5-8pm)
expect underage drinkin', record bin diving, and mosh pit bike lifts... ( more info at our myspace)
werd y;'all
//////future video from Pas$Out ReC0rd$ to come.....\\\\\\\\\

TSTV Live Xmas 07 - with the stop shopping choir!

2007-12-25T12:25:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

The team spider gang get a special visit from some Anti-consumerism carolers... Moshing ensues!

Ghost of TSTV Xmas Past...

2007-12-24T20:56:00.000-08:00

First NY SantaCon ever ( 98 ! )

-----------
Choking Victim- 500 channels
http://blip.tv/file/6752

Click To Play

Bike Lane of Death

2007-12-13T00:50:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

2 NYC Cyclists were kiiled within the last week.

23 Deaths this year so far...

demand safe , buffered, bike lanes.

learn more about the Ghost Bikes at

www.ghostbikes.org

and the bike community at

www.times-up.org

XRIS / ts

thumbnail photo by FRED ASKEW http://www.fredaskew.com/

Bike Lane of Death

2007-12-13T00:02:00.000-08:00

Lo-res...version.

SANTA RAMPAGE 2007 !!!! (team spider edit)

2007-12-12T00:46:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

HIGH RES VERSION:

SANTA Invades NYC in the SANTACON tradition! An loosely organized drunken rampage taking place in NYC since 1998*...

The night was mainly a blur, but we do remember plenty of Drinking, Unnecessary Arrests, and general Santarchy....

Some of the NYPD will be getting coal is their stockings, while others scored phone numbers and hope to be removing someone's stockings...

Different Strokes for Different Folks...

Xris/Team Spider

SANTA RAMPAGE 07 !!! (team spider edit) NYC

2007-12-10T03:21:00.001-08:00

Click to Play

Another year. another santacon another mental blackout ! last thing i remember i drinking a shot from a reindeer shaped shopping cart's penis... while laying beneath its anal vagina ---true story.. X. 07

SANTA RAMPAGE 2007 ! NYC...

2007-12-10T02:19:00.000-08:00

MDC, Citizen Fish, Knitting Factory

2007-11-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

So,
Another night in paradise.

Team Spider rocked the Knitting Factory, with punk Legends M.D.C. and Citizen Fish, with a special appearance by Stza from leftover Crack. The show, which took place on “Buy nothing day,” / “Black Friday”, (a.k.a. the day after thanksgiving), kept all the Spiders in NYC for the holiday weekend. A time that maybe would normally be reserved for family, but a good band is really a family, and we spent it with each other.

So, after a summer-temperature Thanksgiving, and belly’s filled with $am’s mom’s cooking, and French houseguest Benoir’s apple crumbler, the Spider welcomed Old Skull Original Spidersta GEORGE (s)MACK, all the way from Austin Texas… one of the founding members of the TEAM, George was probably as excited as any 3 of us put together to be playing Knitting Factory. George is a long time fan of avant garde jazz, and spent many many many many nights in the knitting factory rockin’ out to John Zorn and countless other experimental players. Ironically, our merch table was set up where “his seat” is located. He’s spent so many hours unraveling the mysteries of the mathematical possibilities of the limited musical scales of human consciousness in that very spot, that I suggested he find out what the GPS coordinates are for that chair, and write a song based on the tablatures within that number. George, looking surprised, responded, “Xris, that’s very ‘Great Atomic Power’ of you.” ( G.A.P. is George’s side project, an amazing instrumental/ experimental band composed of various benched spiders, Geoff/Drums, Robbie Seahag / Gtrs, George / Bass and Sax). I replied sincerely, “You’ve had an influence on me.”

So, with Mack the Knife in town, we had some nice Sax playin’ within the Team. We executed an oft planned never realized idea to cover Operation Ivy’s “Bad Town.” The only song Op Ivy ever put any wind instrument on. So, with no practice together, due to George’s Thrift store flight which arrived at Midnight on Thanksgiving day, we hit the stage w/ the Mack, and rocked out BUSH BUSH BUSH, BAD TOWN, and LILLY’s TREAT with some ripping smooth sax. George also tweaked the knobs on our little sampler with various police rants, new reports, and other interesting sounds signifying our decimated civil liberties.

We had pretty good sound I thought, but I was dancing in the crowd most of the night so I was getting the full blast of the PA cabinets.

On- stage I am not sure what it was like, I know I couldn’t hear the samples when I hit ‘em. And Dave Dictor from MDC was non-stop complaining about the monitors, which I’ve never heard him do before, and we’ve done some ghetto-ass shows together. So I am not sure what’s up with that, Knitting Factory is supposed to be a top venue, the Main Space, ( which I still am not sure how the hell we weren’t playing up there, the ‘tap room’ was busting at the seams) , supposedly has the board that Pink Floyd’s dark side of the moon was recorded on. Not that that necessarily means anything in practical terms, but it does indicate a love and effort towards great sound. Why not in all the rooms?

So, who knows what went on, all I know is I somehow seem to have lost my new mic. A little while back I decided I am going to treat myself to a nice mic. Not just show up and rely on whatever beaten, bruised and germed up Shure mic I am handed by sound people, or in many cases, just whoever brought the PA. Well, my bring my own mic plan lasted one night, because though I clearly remember being handed the mic buy the sound-lady at the knit, I was focused on giving her back the house mic, and about 20 other things, so at 1 am, when we were loading back in to the practice room, I noticed, I had NO mic. So, unless one of the other bands, or the MY PUNK ROCK RADIO guys, who I was doing video with, produce it, I’m out 167 bux, for a 167 dollar paid gig. Even steven strikes again!

That reminds me though, that I have to point out how amazingly cool Citizen Fish were about letting us use their gear. Being a van-less bike-punk band, we often are thankful to play a place like Knitting Factory that has a ‘backline.’ That is, a general assortment of amps, and cabinets, drums etc. that are up for use. But upon load-in, the Fish’s road guy started upgrading the gear we were settling for with Citizen Fish’s monster sized cabinets and amps, then drums, then cymbals, till by the end, we were more like Citizen Spider, with nothing of the Knit’s gear, or our own, up there save for my little doomed Audix microphone.

So, big props to the Fish! Great guys. As are MDC. Talked to MDC drummer Al Shvitz about when I was a wee under-aged spider, and saw MDC in Reading Pennsylvania, the closest town to my little Pa. town to have touring punk bands. Al’s 4 year old son sang some of MDC’s set. Though it was long long long time ago, in a strip mall far far away, and that night I was drunk-off of beer bought for us (by MDC ! ), I clearly remember this little 4year old belting out “knucklehead”, and “chicken squawk”, and as AL pointed out “he also sang Dead Cop.” Al informed me his little anarchist toddler is now 22 years old, ha. Time flies.

We also talked about who is not with us, including Mikey "Offender" Donaldson, who was an original member of MDC, and a member of DRI during the DEALING WITH IT days, (one of the greatest records of all time in my humble opinion). He passed away a couple weeks back, as did Nick Phillips, the Leftover Crack friend, family member, and merch guy. Another tragedy.

Nick and I used to joke that we were in competition for seeing Leftover Crack more than anyone else on the planet. I was first for a while, having seen probably every single show they played the first few years of their existance. But when the national/international touring machine kicked in, and Nick became the Merch guy, he eventually lapped me. Oh well. Everyone who knew Nick had great stories to tell, and many are still dealing with the shock of losing Mikey and Nick. As Dave Dictor put it , “I still haven’t had my big bawl yet.” Stza came up during Citizen Fish’s set to sing the ole Choking Victim classic MONEY, and sent it out “To Nick, my best friend.”

FREEGAN BIKE PARTY !!! brooklyn. feat. "Bread Mountain"

2007-11-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

LAST NIGHT.. a bizarre night indeed. Played the FREEGAN BIKE COLLECTIVE’s Second year anniversary party. Good people, dedicated to rescuing bikes, getting them into the right people’s hands. FREE!

The FREEGAN BIKE PEOPLE even helped build the infamous SMOLKA CRUISER, the bike we presented as a retirement gift.
to chief Smolka (architect of the harassment of critical mass).

Well the night started w/ us jamming out at the rehearsal room on Stanton st. and A$$KER heading over to the Freegan space first. He was playing in 2 bands that night: of course on DRUMS w/ the team, but also playing GUITAR with the cute as hell newbie band “BUST THE CLOCKS” ( name change probably comin’)

“B.T.C.” were playing their first gig and their excitiement was contagious. Everyone had a good time and Justine brought cheat sheets in case she forgot the lyrics. A good, time and I sure we’ll hear more from them.

Prior to their set, $AM and I were in no rush to get to Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, so we hung out at the room making spoke cards for the night, waiting for AHSKER to report back on what sort of gear was there, so we didn’t break our backs hauling extra stuff on our bikes all the way to brooklyn. We basically were lied to, misled, and betrayed by evil ASSKER and his co-horts who conspired to insure Team SPider would sound like absolute shiznit. "ahsker, pic'd here as the joker"
Part of their evil master plan included a drum “kit”, with no snare stand, no stool, one cymbal, a bass drum found in the trash, and drywall paste buckets to fill in any gaps in hardware and/or actual drums.

Also included in their agenda / conspiracy were bedroom-sized practice-amps, from the “under 100 dollar” line of amps from PEAVY and FENDER. The type amp you give your deformed loser kid who is going to quit this ‘music hobby’ just like he quit everything else in life !!#$%^! A small investment destined to turn L0$$ when he trades the little transister radio sized hunk-o-junk for Crack in 2 years when Warped Tour doesn’t seem cool anymore. N0T the proper amp to rock a show with! Especially for rock godz like TEAM SPIDER!

Even DAYV got in on the destruction by bringing his DS-1 pedal ( $29.99 ) for $AM, which, despite trying 2 dif batteries, actually made $am's Distortion sound quieter than the crappy clean sound available on these amps.

So, as blame was unaccountably passed to people who no-one ever bothered to talk to in person, yet were counted on as sole providers of the gear, the ever adaptable TEAM SUCKERZ had to make do, even constructing a snare stand out of 2 drywall buckets, and using the only channel on the lil “P.A.” that actually had reverb for vox… and we were off!

Despite the recurring deafening scream of high pitched feedback, falling apart drum ‘kit’, and overloaded toy amps, I think we actually sounded ok. At least for the little basement space we were crammed in and rockin. Aparently the piles of bike tires in the corners and adorning the walls helped dampen some of the high pitched “tinny”-ness. Of course you cant have too high level of expectation when playing borderline squats, run by dumpster divers. Ya just have to lower your own level of tolerance and adjust the zero point of your fun level, and start hurting some ears.

Which, I must say we did.

A good time, with video projections by VLAD of GLASS BEAD COLLECTIVE, that I am not even sure were seen amongst the chaos, but a good dress rehearsal for our upcoming KNITTING FACTORY GIG ( Nov 23. 07 w/ MDC. And Citizen Fish ) nonetheless.

We also had a great freegan meal to start, including pasta, great sauce, entenmans cookies, muffins that were either stale or vegan, and dumpstered Hawaiin Punch. Mostly Tasty. And FREE. And of course all the bread you can eat, and then some. Bread seems to be the most wasted food in this city, also the most rescued, and also the most underconsumed by the rescuers.. the result:
BREAD MOUNTAIN !!!

In the back yard of the freegan bike warehouse lies a GIANT mountain of leftover bread, Some of it becoming sculptures, some of it becoming sporting equipment, but most of it becoming a giant Matterhorn of bread, inexplicably rat-free!

For me it became my drunken bed! At one point I was actually laid-out with a posse bread be-yatches! Rolling around in the cushy delicious smelling shag-a-rific bread-tress with some bike hotties, who can complain?

By the end of the night I think I lost my Carhart jacket, my scarf, and maybe my innocence. Can’t remember thanks to a failed experiment involving organic vodka, and allergy medicine.

Rock on
TS.

Fun sightings of the night: the band -STOCKYARD STOICS- seen waiting for a bus on broadway in BK, -FREE STUFF- an anarchist band who rocked the bucket drums hard butchering Beatles and Animals covers, -GWACK (sp?)– an accordian led band of instrumental rockers that made all the late nighters dance. Hope to play again w/ all of them! ( for real, all total fun )

X.

Night Of The LIVING Dead ride-

2007-10-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

We had a good time riding the night of the living dead ride, organized by FREEWHEELS!
Freewheels have an entire calander of free, fun rides planned!!! visit http://www.bicycledefensefund.org for info

LIVING DEAD ride was scary, and soon to come will be video! shot by XRIS

and MYKE (bikeblog)...

and DAn Dead Katz

keep your eyes out... but in their sockets!

see ya veloween - mystery guests from last year.... guess who to win a prize!

TIMES-UP 20th (team spider/ japanther)

2007-09-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

WOW...
last night an amazing night,
rocked the TIMES-UP 20th ANNIVERSARY PARTY..
(featuring TEAM SPIDER and our pals JAPANTHER).

this was a special night in many ways because we got to honor the amazing organization Time's-up, and finally rock a gig with one of our favorite bands: JAPANTHER.

first off, why japanther rules, because they are a minimalist 2-piece, that seems equally influenced by punk rock as fine art. oh,,, and crime.

their microphones are clipped payphone receivers, their riffs, sometimes stolen Iron Maiden bass lines & massacred Misfit tunes, and a sound theat seems lifted from 80's high school movies! It's so rockin' that John Hughes wishes he could go back and rescore all his films with a Japanther soundtrax. All the while they are playin' along with mangled cassettes that contain samples, and extra drum lines in case IAN's manic playin isn't enough for your ADD'd self. In other words... they could be my favorite band ever, but it's over before i can ever decide!

So, the night started biking over to the gig pullin all our merch in an old lady cart behind my bike. Just tied w/ rope to the little rack on my beater, it really works amazingly well. The old lady cart even pivots so nicely at turns, you can often forget your pulling 50 pounds o merch, samplers, lights, and banners behind you. i reccommend the old lady trailer over a cab anyday.

All the TEAM arrived by bike, even violinist BIG BENN who has been very busy on his disertation, but made time! Who can say no to the non-profit organization that helped both XRIS, BENN and so many other cyclists stand up for their rights after being cycling and harrassed by the city and the NYPD.

The TEAM were kept on a tight schedule by volunteer LINCOLN, who had the unthankful position of drill sargeant/ stage manager. I was worried about he and i having a major conflict when the T.S. was given what i considered a short ( 1/2 hr set ) with a fairly inflexible start time...
Whenever T.S. plays the last friday of a month, i insist we dont start playin' unil Critical Mass riders have had their fill of riding and start arriving at the party/gig. For better or worse, the participants in the beaten and bruised ride kept it short in order to spend more time partying and less time battling facism. Tenaciously proving that harrassment and persecution is not going to kill the spirit of riding en masse with your friends, yet still having time to party afterwards! Talk about multi-tasking.

The night was rockin', as we played w/ samples of the now infamous NYPD loudspeaker announcements ( "It is dangerous, and illegal to ride a bicycle, if a permit has not been issued..." ), the team also resusitated the "SMOLKA POLKA", not heard since the FREEWHEELS Revolocity party ( MAY? 06) featuring our good pal and auxilliary spider BEN ICKIES ! Mr Ickies is a great according player who touches the core of partial Pollocks DAYV "Satkowski" Spider, and $ammy "Palubniac" Spider. Also making an appearance during that tune was racing champ / spin class master KYM, who danced sang, and helped demostrate the SMOLKA POLKA's many dance steps ( pulling girl's hoods over their heads and cuffing them. etc )

So, a good LOUD time, with our old buddy Seam Kershaw from BLIND PHAROAHS rockin the PA / Soundsystem. Somehow we supposedly ended up trashing a drum stool that co$t us a hundred bux. oh well, no one said helping non-profit was cheap!

XRIS ts.hq

ps. Times-up will soon findthemselves homeless... can you offer any assistance getting a new space? visit times-up.org ;)
times square photo: tomas melchor

Cops Tazer.. the Blind Defend

2007-09-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

Why do people jump to justify the police and their actions… it’s like a smoking habit, both cancer causing and uncontrolable…

Is the blind defense of power abusing scum any worse than racism, lumping a group together and treating all the same based upon their skin / uniform color. Why can’t we be angry at how these kids were treated? Why should we look for ways in which they, the victims, were in the wrong?

COP THREATENS KID IN PARKING LOT -

Against my better judgement I have found myself reading some of the ‘youtube comments‘related to these videos, they seem to be full of people always looking to point out that “Yeah… who you gonna call to save your life after a crackhead stabs you 10 times?!,”
as if pulling a cat out of a tree justifies treating innocents ( or guilty people for that matter), like human garbage…
abusing power, threatening to ruin people, beat people, take their vehicle or even worse… tasering people without warning… Why? for asking a question!

It reminds me of society’s tendency to blame the rape victim.. “What was she wearing..” “ oh she was asking for it..” “what was she doing out all alone.. etc.. that is why I am surprised when I have Women say things to me such us, “They could have left peacefully” “He was baiting the cop” “Why does an innocent man have a camera running in his car?”

STUDENT TASERED FOR ASKING QUESTIONS--

I pointed out to some people that when the police pull you over in NYC for bicycling w/out a bell etc. they are usually looking to run your license for outstanding warrants.
“Why would you or your friends have outstanding warrants?” I am accusingly asked…
“Because of the previous time/times we were pulled over, harassed, & not even given tickets, but given court appearance dates, and my friends don’t carry blackberries, stay in towns for too long, have jobs that require you to be in the same office for 40 years etc… We do not fit into a selected mold… and we are not good at keeping up with the state, and their constantly changing court dates”
“well, if you are an adult, you can make your court date.”

I’d rather talk existentially about what patterns of behave cause people to think, type, and defend points like that rather than discuss the cases of specific people harassed by police, but some people seem to enjoy conflict more than discussion. Maybe it’s comfort. Maybe conflict is comfort in their minds. I prefer logic.

The truths, myths, and realities struggling to survive in these people’s minds seem to completely overshadow the fact that there should be no court dates, no tasering, threats to civilians in the first place. The state and their actions do not determine how adult I am.
I define myself…*

*and yeah, who wants to grow up?
X.

Ps. I heard the parking lot cop was fired,,, thank you video justice!

come to this party and rock out w/ times-up! the people who NYPD sued for "promoting" critical mass, they been helping build community for 20 years,.,, and it's time to party!

Hilly - R.I.P. ZAK thanks Hilly... Hilly Thanks NY

2007-08-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

So... Punk Rock has lost another cool elder...
Hilly Kristal, the man who thought he opened a "Country Blue Grass & Blues bar", & ended up becoming the caretaker to a generation of freaks, rejects, and geniuses, has passed away... ;-(

His only requirement for those wierdos, soon to be dubbed 'Punks'... was that they play "originals".

Well, here's an original... Written by ZAK,
performed by Team Spider:

entitled:
"Hilly Thanks New York, New York Thanks Hilly....."

----rest in Peace friend...
--------Xris / TS
free download at
http://www.myspace.com/teamspider

Hilly Thanks New York, by Zak/Team Spider

TEAM I-TUNES

2007-08-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hey all,
thanks for all the support / love / housing and adventures while in EUROPE...
In the words of OZZY "WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!"

And the big news, FUCK BRAKES album is now availableon ITUNES... so represent yer local Bike Punks and buy the album or just your favorite tracks! It's fairly priced and you will support independent art and free speech.,.. every penny counts w/ our little empire

TEAM SPIDER i-TUnes Page

thanks all,, more photos / evidence, to come!

luv XRIS

IRELAND

2007-08-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dublin...
paid in Pizza and Guiness...

crappy gig, but resulted in being invited to play Rebellion fest next year in England... ( sort of a punk rock woodstock)
amazing gig in Clonmel, Co. Tiperary, felt like the enitre town was there...
paid in Bulmers ( the local cider, called Magners in US,) and Euros...

later got stuck in the mud after playing a festival gig,
all 5 of us slept in car till a farmer towed us out at 8am w/ his tractor...
hippies tried to help, then showered us in mud
"embrace the mud" was heard as they wrecked the paint job on our rental vehicle...
oh well, hippies are what insurance was created for...

more to come!

including:
SCOTLAND

Team Spider-London Critical Mass

2007-08-08T21:05:00.001-07:00

Ass-ker writing his Dear Mom Blog o the day ( read them at myspace.com/teamspider )

London bridge,
amazing views from outside awesome Flat we stayed at courtesy of Nick,

Juggy-D , sexy on the streets of Brick lane

$am's gift to the squat the we stayed at in London when not breaking Nicks furniture

U.K. TOUR - Overview

2007-08-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

SO,
TEAM SPIDER is on tour SPREADIN' THE BIKE CORE REALITY 007 in England, Ireland, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and good ole Amsterdam...

so busy, crazy, and out of our heads , we haven't had time to regularly update the ole blog here, but a detailed acount is comin! ( check Oscars' letters to his Mom posted to Myspace.com/teamspider for some funny accounts )

for now here's some pix

http://www.flickr.com/photos/teamspider/sets/72157601319371797/ and some highlights... which we are uploading from a remote posh estate in Newcastle England. The people are graciously hosting us, along with some othre bands: HOGWASH (france), and PICKLED DICK ( England )& may not have known what they were getting into, when i went downstairs a moment ago HOGWASH's crew wash shoveling spilled pizza goo under the fridge!

Most of the time we are the only band staying at a place, which ahs ranged from squats in London, to Metal Head havens in Belfast, to a van stuck in the Mud all night in ireland till a farmer pulled us out in his tractor....

we have shot so much video, i sense "FUCK BRAKES: THE MOVIE" in the future...
We'll see !!!!

( *note the Fuck Brakes CD may be available at Interpunk.com by now, and

** double note, as i type i just met "german Me".. a guy with a video camera just busted in on me and Juggy D's* bedroom.
nice....

( Juggy D is Dave's new UK rapper alter ego, 'spect )

Tompkins Square Punk Show 7.22.07

2007-07-22T22:12:00.000-07:00

tompkins Blog

Click To Play

7.22.07 Tompkins Square Park, NYC, USA
Well..

Another successful Tompkins Show. Everyone drank, sang, chilled, thrilled and spilled, and from what I can tell, people were not bothered by the police. Our donation table angel GARRET came up all the way from York, Pa. Loaded with H20 and his improvised “hatchback -cover-garbage-can” table and took donations all day in exchange for T-shirts, CD’s, and Bottled Water… once again, Garrett saved the day ( he did the same at the infamous TSP-911 show ) and made sure at the end of the day that both the stage rental and the cost of the shirts were covered, plus about an extra 100 bucks of so, that we will put to good use, either paying something we forgot about, or putting it towards the AUG. 5th Show...

The shirts were very popular, and all 100 sold out, I may make a variation on the design ( maybe 2 colors this time) & print up a new batch / start the ball rollin’ for fundraising for NEXT YEARS’s show, which is going to be the biggest one of all time…
THE 20th ANNIVERSARY of the TOMPKINS SQUARE RIOTS…. ( comin’ in 08 )…

Fond Memories include: pulling an “old lady cart” loaded with 100 shirts, spray-paint, liberated Budweiser posters, and CD’s behind my bike, through alphabet city… seeing Mohawk-sportin’ kids workin’ parks Department brooms and dustpans after the show, finding “M” – a missing 15 year old who was recently on our show, and who’s mom was worried sick, meeting some cool photographers and videographers who offered to help make the ‘08 show happen, seeing mike green from bike blog show up and film the show, getting word that Vlad from Glass Bead Collective was out there somewhere with his “360”cam, hearing Death Mold, (sadly/possibly for the last time),
hearing the cops play music thru their police car loudspeakers, a gesture of peace perhaps? Though it was met with “Fuck Pigs…” Seeing punks kids on just about every corner of every block in alphabet city, reminding many of the corporate robots what “character” is, having Dolan from Choking Victim and Mike Dreg from DeathMold combine their 2 PA’s, into one MegaVoltronPA and save me ‘n Sturg from having to rent a lot o crap that would have put us further in the hole, actually having people who offer’d up their hypothetical vans show up, on time, and help out like crazy, even waiting till Monday to return the stage cause place is closed Sunday nites, hearing loud and proud, defiant and free individuals hollering all day, including someone who felt possessed to scream “Fuck Penmanship!” which is a heavily ignored issue… & finally… seeing a big posse of punks, after dark, in the grassy area of the park, drinking, singing songs, laying in the grass, experiencing home spun organic fun, with nothing more than an acoustic and vocal chords, to remind me that that’s what it’s really all about.

Xris….

Click To Play

see BIKE BLOG's video of our entire set at

TOMPKINS SQUARE PUNK video

big thanks / shout out to Mike Green / Bike Blog

BIKE BLOG

<3 TS

FUCK BRAKES -- RECORD RELEASE

2007-07-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

thanks to all who came to our CD release party at the Crash Mansion,

thanks to Firefly for working the table, Sturg for the onstage Vodka, Courtney for SInging, Ellen for carrying boxes, and all else who helped out...

TEAM SPIDER's FINAL US show bfore European Tour:

this SUNDAY!!!
free, on TOMPKINS Sq Park... 1pm

............LOVINGLY DEDICATED... TO SHAWN.........
/\/\\Friend & Park Organizer\/\/\/
\\/\/\//Rest in Peace brother/\/\/\/\u./\r./\/missed\/\\\/
........................................................................................
(1pm) start: w/ Feral Foster (acous), Casa De Chihuaha (acous), G-Stomp (2:15),Death Mold (2:30), Rabia (3:20), Team Spider (4pm), Choking Victim (4:45)
all times subject to spare change

---------------------$$$$$$$$$---------------------
we are $elling $hirts to raise the $ for the stage...
so DONATE 10 - 20 bucks,... get a lifetime of coolness in shirt form*

*new XRIS shirt design!

more info at teamspider.com

ALL U.K. DATES CURRENTLY ON THE MYSPACE.com/TEAMSPIDER site!!!!!

SPREADIN' THE BIKE-CORE REALITY in 2007...

sucka

Team Brooklyn

2007-07-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

yo,

thanks too all who rocked the WRECK ROOM in brooklyn w/ TS on our "Night of Fire" gig,
the night started out w/ a train party, stiltwalkers, swimming in city hall fountain, and ended w/ a late nate condom strewn satge in brooklyn with hard core liberty spiked porn projected as a large african amerikan man named "juggernuaght" danced and screamed as a Barbie Dream Bicycle was sadly sentenced to Death.

Its life,
your rights

they drift away/......*

*team spider does not condone violence towards bicycles.

photos by heather j.

D.O.T. Provides something you may be interested in DOIN'

2007-05-26T03:54:00.000-07:00

Endorsed by the New York Department of Transportation...
and the Department of Ticketing Your Ass...

Sit back and watch as NYPD relentlessly crushes some goofy Bicyclists like Gnats,,,,
...who will be there when they come for YOU?

Pirate Ships invade New York

2007-05-20T15:21:00.001-07:00

Arrrggghghggh
dont ye be parkin' in the Boat Lane matey !!!!!

==Following a drunken Mike Green down Houston Street on a Fixed Gear…==

2007-05-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

By Xris… 5.18.07

So, last night $am and I were biking home from Deepwave Studios in Queens, where we are mixin’ the new record. It beautiful out so we decided to pass by the Solar Stage @ Stuyvesent Cove on the East River @ 21st st.. Why? to check out the scene at the Bike Film Fest kick off concert /party “Bikes Rock!” A concert Team Spider offered to play, but was not asked to play.

The anual "Bikes Rock!" concert…was named for Zak, after his infamous “Bikes Rock” chant, which saved the day a couple years back, while ZAK held 100’s hundreds of drunk messengers at bay as the Anthology Film Archives projector temporarily failed at the rowdy “Warriors Bike Race” Movie premiere.

###

So, the Bike Community Concert seemed desolate…, turns out concert was the night before..
Ha. ;-)

Oh well.. since it rained last night, turns out it was moved to a small indoor place in Brooklyn, & one of the main acts cancelled, so no great loss… but, after goin’ home & checkin some artwork for the T.S. CD, we decide to hit the Bike Art Show at about 11:30pm…

Mainly... ‘cause our man Tod Seelie is doin’ some of the TS album Art, & he has some work in the show..
We see lots of great art, including a pen and ink piece by Doyle of Black Label which I like… it shows black label bike club critical massin’ times square, and all the billboards are changed to Bike Club names like RAT PATROL, CHUNK 666, etc. cool to see unity among the many NY clubs…

There are some fun 3-d sculptures made out of bikes, and some practical* art, like the Tall Bike, designed to fit in an Amtrack Approved size piece of luggage ( *note… first time =Tall bike=, and =Practical= were ever used in a sentence together. )

One of our favorite pieces was a dumpster, in the middle of the art studio, filled to the brim with PBR cans. Not a currated work of art, but something that naturally occurred as a result of having a cheap ass beer sponsor a Chelsea Art Exhibit invaded by Bike Messengers,,,
Ha.

Good times…

We got there so late, that we missed the obligatory drunken fight, and required Mike D being banned from all events for destroying somethin' ! Ha. even though Mike D is the star of many BFF premiered films… he crossed the line by spray painting some of the art that was on display… this was highly offensive to Tod, who hinted that most people there would be less offended if someone punched an artist in the face…

Since we were late, the upstairs half of the exhibit was already closed,,,, but the guard saw the T.S. comin’ and in mid-stifle, opened it back up for us….
That’s how we roll.

It’s all Champagne and bitches* for the crew yo…

(*PBR, and actual Stray Dogs to be more exact)

I found Todds amazing piece…
Its lonely, unmanned bike, in a lake that appears to be the result of melting glaciers,,,
The piece was tucked in its own little room.. awesome

then we step out of that alcove… and see
ZAK!

In giant monster photo form!

His face captured a classic shocked expression that matched ours.,.

Ha, Zak hanging in a fine art gallery…
Hilarious
Awesome
Of course

So, we head out, and get a call from Mike Bike Blog Green,
“yo come to Union Sq. we’ll wait for ya._”

So Xris and $ammy mount up their steeds, and hit Union Square North, mecca to NYC critical massers… and theres Mike, w/ buddy /producer Chris, and Big A ( a guy we work with on movies, who happed to be walkin by ), and Gringo Ram Head horn Man from The Warriors Bike Race movie, and then, my buddy, Shalom, our favorite former Hacidic jew iraq war vetern squatter train hopin’ punk rocker friend… rolls up
What an unsavory cast of characters…

Have some laughs… I love cross pollinating.. introducing these union electrician guys I work with to squatter punk war vet rabbi’s, or bike punk musicians to messengers turned lawyers… awesome…

We go our sep. ways with me, $ammi, & B/Mike Blog headin’ to a downtown after party on our bikes, leavin’ co-worker Big A to talk politix with mohawked & medal wearingShalom, … ha—priceless ( but not lice-less)

Well, that’s when our adventure REALLY begins,,,,
Cause next thing I know, we are on the most asinine 1a.m. bike route I have ever taken…
Breakin all my own rules… following mike green.

It starts with us taking an entire lane, of completely packed, high speed, drunk cab filled Broadway, the only street for blocks that has any traffic at all,
Any the only street that can be treated as a highway by the yellow cab phone card yappin army as they seek jersey style blonds as deliriously drunk as THEY are sleep deprived…

As if dodging these midnight bus lane invading kamikazi’s wasn’t enough to deal with… when we hit one insection ..there are 3 foot wide pieces of broken glass, from a bus stop plowed into by some hit and run vehicle…
I stopped to see if the now accessible GIANT – SiZED poster was indeed a spidey3 poster,( which sadly it was not,)
because if it was… as I said to $ami, “ I wouldn’t have to paint my living room”

this of course put us further behind Mike who was fading into the mass of high speed traffic, his orange bike becoming a blur in a sea of yellow…

We catch up with Mike at Houston St.. which looks like the UFO landing scene from Close Encounters… it is completely torn up, with boom pole flood lights and construction workers and cranes everywhere…
I assume we are going south for a block or two, but before I even slow down, mike leads us right through this mess. A mess which has reduced the entire south side on Houston street to ONE lane!
,, so we are fighting bottle necking dozens of black sedan car service vehicles tryin to score the extra foot of dominance that’ll make everyone else have to slow down and command a losing/waiting lane…
we dance this treacherous ballet, on mismatched steel plates covering the lack of asphalt, all the time blinded by white lights more suited to the Superbowl than Houston Street…

After passing Times up headquarters.. & its collapsed building neighbor,,, we emerge unscathed

So its back to the normal 4 or 5 lanes of steel plated boulevard of bike death fun..
Passing the new Whole Foods, or as we like to call it “Whole Paycheck”
, I wonder when the hell mike is goin to get off Houston and take Stanton, Prince,.. Spring.., ANY parallel running’ empty street…?
-- answer…
WHEN HELL ( aka Houston st. ) FREEZES OVER!

& Thanks to the Al Gore discovered glo-bal-warm-ming (?) , that means;;;; NEVER>

Thankfully we eventually reach Crystie street and head down , but only ‘cause that;s the street the party is on…

Outside, looks its pretty calm, a couple people waiting it what appears to be a line…

I roll up on Mike, the first time I’ve been next to him for the entire ride and say
“I broke one of my rules to stay with you man,,, I Never take Houston st. not even for half a block.”
he replies, Something to the effect of..
“ohhooohw I’’’mmmm Xrwwwiiisss, I nevvverrrrr takeeee houstonstwwwreetssssshhhhshs”
I respond-- “Holy crap, your slurring every mike’s drunk!”
Mike-- “Mwiiykesss Drunnwk”
ME—“ We’ve been following a Drunk Mike Green down Houston street!!!”
$am- shakes his head
ME- ( looking down) “on a Fixed Gear!”
Mike—“ewwww… Miwwikesss Slllurrringiggg his werrdddss”

Oh man,,,, I must be off my game…
Well anyhow… we made it… Bike parking is tight, so we hit the park across the street, where $am begins to lock to a parks dept building’s railing which sends my spidey sense tinglin’,
I tell him, “ it seems sketchy, we should lock up at the benches… “
Last time I was at this park, I had to deal w/ angry park dept. people who wanted to know why we didn’t have a permit to show up there… ( it was the unofficial new, secret, starting point of Monster Track bike race ) and soon cops were called, who I of course taped, and the footage is all featured in this years Bike Film Fest… who’s party we are probably not going to be allowed in….$am says “fuggit,”, and decides to lock there anyway. He soon meets up w/ mike and I, who in our pole quest discover NYC Anti Grafitti trucks. These fancy white brand new vehicles have crazy giant doors that make ‘em look like a shuttles from Star Trek… or as we like to call it : “the future”

We cannot believe how many anti graff trucks there are… like 5 of them..?
Must be safer to travel in groups
People seems to be hasslin’ them a little, and mike get busted putting a DUMMER sticker on one of them…
C’mon mike you’re embarrassin us…

BY GETTING CAUGHT!
Beyatch…;)

The grafitti guys, don’t seem to know what they are doin’
We try to help by suggesting they start with the extensive wall pollution sillohettes of the hipster’s wearin headphones,

Some bike ladies roll up, in tank tops, freezing, complaining they cant get into to the club.. where their jackets and desperately needed toilets are…
I tell em “go pee on that grafitti over there, those guys will probably give you a medal…”

The one girl is not amused and starts randomly telling me something about “you know don’t know what its like to be 23 with big boobs…!”
I respond “no, your right, but I was once 26 with big boobs”
Which of course makes even less sense, but does make her cute friend laugh.. which makes the first first confused, so she drags her cute friend away ... Oh well..
The grafitti police leave too, I think they musta got scared by the street tuff-ness of the soho fashionistas, ‘cause, despite unloading all there buckets and chemicals, they ultimately didn’t remove a single piece of graffitti..,
That or they got an emergency call…
*skwawwk*
“7 mary seven,, c’mon ..We have a neckface bombingg at wall street.. I reapeat, anarchists are bombing wall street.. no… No… Kryyyylonn…. Tell… my wife…. I… jack,… Bauerrrrr!”
or something to that effect..

wait till they start hittin’ Uptown.,,,
G’LUCK w THAT.

-#######
Well, all this fartin around and rappin with Todd Seelie and drunk ladies at first resulted in the Velvet rope encased line growing huge…
…which of course means nothing to us, other than the fact we may have to use our Team Spider Stealth Skills to get in.,,,
$am looks at me as if to say, “what ya think” ( regarding difficulty )
I give em a look that says “not even a challenge”

I see a half dozen way to bust in this place… and I haven’t even turned around yet…

But then mike motions to one of the surrounding young ladies’ amazing rear sections, and says something to the effect of “ why donnntt you sneeeaaak into thatttt… mister Teammmm Spiiiyyder… butttt noooo.. ‘’I’m goin to sneaaaakkk intooo SLAYERRRRR’’… “
…I quickly realize… we might have a weak link here…

and since we never leave a man behind….

But then> on cue.. the line disappears…
They let everyone in, fulfilling what Todd speculated , which was that there was more then enough room for everyone… they were just putting on a show at this hour…

So we all head in…
And make a B-line for the free drinks!
Which I know, will be probably be limited to drinks by whoever the sponsors were.. which so far has been PBR… so
I ask “ what are the free drinks for filmmakers”
Bartenderess- “Oh we don’t have any more… now its just 2 dollar PBR, 6 dollar drinks..”
Hmmmmm…. Disappointing,
especially when they have the Dark Stuff on tap…
But I figure… I haven’t spent a dime all night… ( cept the 1800 dollars we agreed to pay our producer today… in a momentary lapse of reality )

So I’m treatin myself to a Guiness,,, I am about to order , when spidey sense tells me to ask how much first.. just in case….
Her response… “10 Dollars.”

.

.
.

.
.
.

uu

.
.
..
.

.nnng

.
.
.
.
.
.ehy

.
..
.

! TEN DOLLARS!
a new record….

F*ck this place.

Funny thing is, sam had the exact same reaction… cept his
occurred when I told him it was 2 dollars for a PBR.
“what! ?
I refuse to pay anything for a PBR.
That’s just my policy.”

On cue, the bartenders start walkin thru the crowd with new 12 packs of PBR’s… heading to the bar. Too many cases to carry at once, so they are randomly putting 12 packs down, fireman’ing to each other…

Ooh, Too easy…

But $am, seeing the wheels turning says… “ya know what,, don’t bother.. lets roll…”
Mike, who is rummaging thru his bag to trade stickers with some guy who has a new bike community zine ( mike: I’ll give you 2 “dummer” stickers… for a “ride a fuckin bike” sticker).. and Mike’s hand comes out of his messenger bag with a PBR instead… he quizzically looks at the Full can o beer.shrugs… and hands it to $am.

Looks like we’re stayin’

So $am got what he envisioned, on his own terms,, And I wonder, “why am I going to jack some beers that I don’t even want”…
Go for the gold ponyboy///

There’s a full Guiness on the bar..
With a napkin coverin the top like a lid…
Preserving it for someone,,,
It’s located right next to the cherry and lime containers…
Sore of pulled back from the actual bar, held for someone special…
Well…. I did take special ed.

The doe – like beer in question has been there ever since I asked my horribly answered pricing questions..
I Considered just “Les snatchin’” it back then…,
But don’t want to interfere with another man/woman and their pain stakingly waited for guinness…
I figured that Somewhere out there there’s probably some guy using the john looking forward to the dark one preparing itself back on the bar…

But at this point, that was 15 or 20 minutes ago…
I think its an abandoned order…
So I tel $am
“I’m goin in.. I just need to find something that looks like money to drop on the bar as I grab it..”
This little show is not for the bartenders, who I would never let witness my Indiana jones swaparoo*

*a Guiness, seamlessly swapped, with a Guiness sized section of empty air…,

No, the crumpled piece of money-like paper is for the millions of other eyes… who need reassurance that things on the bar aint free…
In a pinch, I will even use a real dollar,,, not a bad deal, & a nice tip for the wait staff, who I am sure aren’t getting double sized tips for their double priced booze…..
But while rifiling thru my pockets.. the perfect opportunity arrives,
The bar is down to 2 bar tenders, with the others stuck hauling out PBR twelves,, and the two left are RIGHT NOW walking opposite directions… away from the centrally located orphaned Guiness…
So I stopped talking to young apprentice $ami about crupmpled pieces of paper and do a quick “Zoink”,
and its my beer of choice is suddenly strapped to the hood of my returning to our seats palm.
Where we all toast to good health… cept.. mike who says “ I feel sick”

So a good time.. we soon enough ditch out, I give mike specific instructions
“take Stanton street to the bridge”
“I’m just heading to the bridge…”
“yes… and you are going to take Stanton street…”

Mikes seems less enebriated than just tired at this point, so we don’t take his kryptonite keys…
While getting $am’s bike… a park dept lady comes out of the brick building and says her co-corkers were getting bolt cutters to remove sam;s bike form the park…

She was actually being nice, as if she found it somewhat offensive as well, but wanted to let us know what was up…
Specifically.. that
The park workers were goin to “cut the lock, take the bike, then wait here for you to return and give you a summons.”

Thanks Roosevelt Public Park!

But non sarcastically, thanks Spidey Sense.

X.

Flickr

2007-05-14T12:25:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Critical Straphangers !

2007-04-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

4.27.07

Critical mass takes a new twist, with the return of tall bikes, hot blonds chasing cops, zero tickets.... though Xris is lost as usual!!!!

Gay Bashin' TERROR ATTACK AT GROUND ZERO*

2007-04-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

*(zero=rights)

Terrorists highjack Scooters and fly them into Homosexuals at the World Trade Center.....
-------------------------
XRIS goes downtown to the former World Trade Center site to see how the UNCONSTITUTIONAL Anti-parade permit Scheme gets enforced pertaining to Homosexuals.
*(no more than 50 people can now gather in nyc w/out asking the police for permission)

Turns out, whether you've got a 10 Speed 'tween you legs, or a man lovin' rocket, you get equal treatment ! Finally... EQUAL RIGHTS !

math refresher: zero = zero.

As soon as these colorful GUYS ( n GALS ) STEP OFF THE SIDEWALK... They get a quick lesson in Gay Rights*
*the right to get beat down
(disclaimer, no need to watch if you completely trust and agree with your govt.)

WATCH:
Things seem fine and 'dandy', 'till these planet savin' non-breeders step Off the narrow downtown sidewalks, at which point they are beatin' back by AGGRO cops relivin' their high school glory days,,, back then, these soon to be passed-over football stars would pull over their cars & beat down queers while their ALPINE (TM) Stereo blasted Europe's THE FINAL COUNTDOWN, which acted like crack cocaine to their Swayze like animalism !!!

We Heart the 80's.

X.

nothin' ta see hear Moby...

move along, its just your friend screaming, we're lookin into it

in the trash, like ya like it

i'm hot on yer heels... literally

i got my eyes on you red.. how dare you scuff my scooter wheel with the back of your heel

heh heh heh... ... heh heh

see, now ya get yers queer boy,,, a punch ta the chest - Bo Yah!

i said nothin ta see here,,, these whiteys don't listen! aaahh give 'em 400 years, they'll get in line

i'll push play nerdo!
***video window above /\
*note- you can subscribe somehow,, and be told when new vids posted... 7 people figured it out, i dont know how. X.

TEAM SPIDER in the STUDIO. 2007

2007-04-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

So,
TEAM SPIDER has been =Busy =Busy =Busy: recording new tracks, editing new videos, hosting more LiVE bands on our cable access TV show, and planning a SUMMER 007 U.K. Tour ( and beyond?) ...
*** any U.K. hook-ups/ crash pads/ venue / booker recommendations etc. ARE WELCOME !!! ( see our "Wish List" Post )

sample of what its like to record w/ Team SPider:
CRITICAL MASS - THE SONG
(feat. the return of Dave's touching INTRO ! )

===="DAVE NAILS IT !!!!==== " video

****RECORDing Update****

Having recently finished the 3 new tracks for the MY LIFE 7 inch,...( hear new songs at myspace.com/teamspider )

....we went right back in to a Different Studio to record a Full(er) length CD***,

===="DAVE LISTENS !!! "=======

***note: new CD will feature the tracks: +FUCK BRAKES, +TAKEN APART, +WE OWN THE STREETS, +FATHER TELLS ME, +CRITICAL MASS + others (including of cover of Operation Ivy classic: UNITY)...

===="DAVE's Tears.... ;-( " ======

***note: going into studio again tapped out the money earmarked to put out the 7 inch !
so anyone interested in putting out the T.S. "MY LIFE" 7 inch / co-distro'ing/ recommends a good little label; etc... contact us..
everyone else: buy TS crap at interpunk.com to build our PAYPAL back up from the dead!
tanks
TS

Critical Mass 07 - ,,,,,,,The Empire Strikes Back`````

2007-04-01T01:55:00.000-07:00

RETURN OF THE ARRESTS

The Rebel Alliance fights new oppression as the previously defeated NYPD gains new legal ground.

Writing their own laws, Ray Kelly and his Police Stormtroopers devise a permit scheme that actually makes it illegal to ride bikes in groups of 50 or more.

Desperate to save their cherished Right to Assemble, the rebel scum use the power of the Non-Force to gather and defy those who would like nothing more then for these bike-knights to stay home and watch imperial car commercials...

Part 1:

The rebel forces have been scattered through out the NYC galaxy.

Scouts and Pilots alike try to find any remains of the once glorious Bike-Knights.

Something draws the rebels towards a desolate alien outpost named after an ancient imperial exlorer:
Columbus Circle.

Part 2:

-A New Grope -
After over a year of relentlessly ticket bike-knights, the NYPD revert back to an ancient tactic known as "unecessary arrest."

The Bike-Knights are so powerful that it can take an entire Stormtrooper battallion to subdue a single knight, whether he or she resists or not...

The Emperial Guards attack without thought or mercy, right in the heart of the Time Square Galaxy- where the eyes of the universe are eternally focused.

part 3:

March 30th, 2007 - Month/Episode: 34

Dinner w/ JELLO

2007-03-12T20:52:00.001-07:00

Rough night, had a pretty shitty cable episode ( or so i think, can't even watch it 'cause peeps in the control room forgot to hit record!!!). All Around Super stressful day. The Band that was slated to perform ( and shall remain nameless) cancelled, so i decided, TEAM SPIDER will play it!
Couldnt borrow a van, so i find myself looking into renting a van about 3 hours before airtime... all ready to go, realize the van i just reserved has to be picked up on 50th street, exactly where we want to be, AFTER we pick up all our gear all the way DOWN on STANTON street. So we would have to have traverse Manahattan 4 times!

Even if it is physically possible, ( with short cuts and optional red lights ), going to be so stressful, cause if we are more than 15 minutes late for our 'studio reservation', it gets cancelled. plus we'd have to rob our roomates at the practice room of the PA., not to mention disrupt their whole practice... seems to put out many more people than just me this time,,,

SO, decide to do a live, SIT DOWN, call in episode regarding new parade permit and pedicab regulations, show some footage our friend Vlad just cut together about the SMOLKA CRUISER bike gift, and maybe play one "unplugged" song...

simple.. ( my new rule: SIMPLE IS BETTER )

Well, somehow we pull it all off, even if we dont hit record... (starting to think i don't know if i can continue as is... all this stress and fuck ups... if we were on some crappy network like MTV2 or FUse or whatever.. at least i could pull a Trump and go "yer fired, yuppie"

*(oh yeah, that reminds me... i submit a quickly assembled film for some new reality show called THE LOT. More on that in another post)

Well, we had a plan for the episode... but it soon was thwarted by a pre arranged "pedi-cab expert" phone caller we hoped would shed some light as to what is goin on w/ the city harassing / eliminating HALF (!) the city's pedicabs ( shouldn't we be encouraging ALL FORMS OF NON-POLLUTING transportation ??? Not STIFLING IT.)

... anyhow, above mentioned pedi-cab caller turned out to do nothing but present the most boring list of "Article A100 B and subsection..." borefest.. combined with the fact he would get snippy at my attempts to get him to be concise...
brought entire episode to a screeching halt. argh, want to help these mofo's but get it together yo.

i just hope our "MY LIFE YOUR RIGHTS -unplugged live-" came out alright... & hopefully someone TIVO'd it...

oh yeah, the only saving grace of the night... afterwards i went out and met up with JELLO BIAFRA and had 2am dinner with him and HR GIGER's agent(?) at Veselka's. Bullshitted about our respective parents / elder's health issues as we gorged ourselves on Fried Perogies and the unhealthiest Polish food on the planet.

I had less than 10 bucks on me,( or on the planet for that matter), so i tried to order small and cheap, which is close to impossible in the Neuvo East Village, but i feasted on other's leftovers. Everyone seems to owe me money, gotta start collectin' ( insert emiticon of a smily face shining his knuckles >;-}- ?< didnt want to look like too much of a spanger in front of jello.. and i prayed we wouldnt divide the bill evenly, thankfully we all paid our share, just my style*...

*( another time i will go into my HARDCORE belief in just paying your share, tax, and tip, and NOT BUDGING when everyone starts adding extra dollars like they are some generous mofo's when its probably them who was just stiffing the bill yo..., and if not... then you just stand there like me and refuse to put more in... i aint paying for you to "forget" there's a such thing as tax, or tip, or what 4 beers co$t in a restaurant for the 4 millionth time)

Anyhow, out till sunrise, hearing great AL JORGENSON stories, CHRIS STEIN stories, HR GIGER stories, and many others too illicit to repeat in public w/out fear of libel suits... :-)

somehow, at the end of the night i ended up w/ all the Grape Juice and Orange Juice Jello and I stuffed my messenger bag from the backstage area at Knitting Factory earlier... nice. "sorry Jello, it was an accident! i swear !" ( insert emoticon w/ angel wings and O.J.* ) And after he spent so much time making sure the seals werenlt broken on any of em!

*OJ meaning O.range J.uice, not homicidal maniac O.J. ( though he should have an emoticon of his own, carrying a blond's head and a steak knife)

-XRIS

ZAK HAS PASSED - REMEMBER HIS LIFE - x.

2006-12-15T11:49:00.000-08:00

On DEC 13th, at approx. 6:30 PM
Joseph Bernard Zak passed away at the St. Lukes hospital in his hometown of New York City.
He was 80 years old.

Widely regarded as the oldest punk rocker ever, he often preferred the title:
“Most Prolific Songwriter in the History of the World”.

And believe it or not, that statement was most likely not an exaggeration. Zak wrote approximately 30,000 – 40,000 original song lyrics. The exact number may be never known. Even those of us in his punk rock band, TEAM SPIDER lost track after he copyrighted the first 20,000 or so. Collected in his aptly titled “ZAK OPUS”. Being Team Spider’s vocalist and guitarist, I recently found myself having to haul over 40 boxes of lyrics out of ZAK’s old apartment. If asked how many songs were in there, I can only describe the quantity as somewhere between “back breaking,” and “spine crushing.”

The exact details of ZAK’s life were always a bit of a mystery. Even to those of us closest to him. What we do know is that baby Zak was born in 1926, somewhere in upstate New York, near Albany. He never knew his parents and appears to have been primarily raised by Franciscan priests. Zak thought the way of the cloth would be the way for him, and he studied feverishly to become a priest himself. Along the way he became an expert on religious texts and several languages, including the original Latin language in which the Christian Brothers’ documents were written and in which they were read during mass

It was ultimately his sharp tongue and knowledge of Latin that got him expelled from the brotherhood, just shy of taking his final vows. Towards the end of his endoctranation, Zak was leading a mass alongside a high ranking priest. Rather than recite the texts he knew so well, he broke from script, saying “beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing” while motioning to the exhaulted priest. A move lost on most of the parishioners listening to the Latin language Mass, but an act of defiance not lost on the target of his remarks, or his superiors.

As Zak recalls, he was given a 24 hours to “get out of town.”

So, without many choices, Zak ended up in the Navy, serving in the Pacific during World War 2. Although he was concerned he may never return from sea, Zak observed that “The good lord apparently had other plans for me.”

Those plans were for Zak to become a teacher and mentor at a home for delinquent boys. Zak identified with the young troublemakers and spent his days and nights trying to help guide and be a friend to those who needed one. He made it his daily mission to steer these young men in positive directions despite the tough hands they may have been dealt. With WW2 having come to an end, both the nation’s prosperity and these young men’s bright futures appeared to be just on the horizon.

During his 13 years of shaping young men’s hearts and minds, Zak had been composing musical lyrics. Eventually he felt it was time leave the boy’s home and head to Nashville to try his hand as a professional lyricist. In his spare time, he composed over 200 biographical lyrics about a young man named Elvis Presley, whom Zak thought to be an “amazing talent , with a great future.” Although Zak’s lyrics were received well by the scores of Nashville musicians, no one could figure out how to commercially produce a piece, that appeared to be about as lengthy as the King’s life thus far.

Undaunted, Zak continued writing lyrics, passing them to every Nashville based or travelling performer that caught his eye. Even composing lyrics for U.S. Presidents, whether they requested “official national songs” or not. Then one night, a raging fire took Zak’s Nashville home, and with it, all of his lyrics. He decided “the good lord wanted me out of Nashville.”

Armed only with his wit, and a new found distaste for unattended candles, he headed to the town whose official lyric forever challenges: “If-you-can–make-it-there…” New York City.

To support his fervent lyric writing, Zak took many, as he described them, “odd” jobs. The more time they left for writing, the better. He ended up finding himself w/ several security and night watchmen jobs. Due to his honorable ways and strong work ethic, Zak was often promoted to a Commander or Captain level. Unfortunately for the security biz, Zak had little interest in climbing rank and viewed it all just as a means to support his writing. At one point, in true early punk D.I.Y. spirit, he even formed his own small record label, releasing a vinyl run of a song he composed that he thought should see the light of day. Fortunately it did sell, but being not attached to material items, Zak sold every single copy and none of records from the pressing seem to be in active circulation today. Although his band mates and fans still flip through the old vinyl bins hoping one day to find an original Zak Records release.

Some time in his 50’s, Zak landed a job as a doorman for a fancy hotel. Some might have said it appeared to be a step down from his previous jobs, where he was the supervisor of scores of men. But Zak, being an independent spirit, preferred the solitary duties and responsibilities of a doorman. Plus, the job came with a perk; staff housing for the entire length of his life. So Zak packed up and moved into the Empire Hotel on Columbus circle, right across from the Metropolitan Opera and the Julliard School of music. For years he worked his doorman duties, cheerfully greeting guests of the city, while keeping guard against the unsavory types that he was so skilled at unveiling. Zak often crafted custom poems and lyrics for the travelers whom he would come to meet during their New York stays.
He found much time to focus on his beloved work, deep within the world of words.

In his off time, Zak spent countless hours at the Julliard library, translating ancient plays from Greek, Latin, or any of the other languages he spoke fluently, to his native English. All in the hope that the works would be able to reach a new and wider audience. During this time he could often be found befriending and amusing the talented Julliard music students who, thinking they would head to the library to finish some work, often found themselves leaving with the knowledge that they had much more work to do. Sometimes, that work consisting of direct assignments from Zak.

Zak eventually collaborated with a professor/composer at Julliard on a piece that was performed at the end of the year for the entire school. Again, all copies of this “lyrical symphony” appear to be lost to time, due to Zak’s lack of material possessions, but what a night it must have been.

Upon reaching retirement age, Zak settled into his private room at the Empire Hotel for possibly his most creative period yet. Each day he busied himself writing, re-writing, photocopying, and then copywriting, his lyrics. Each month he would send his packets, each often containing hundreds of lyrics, to the Library of Congress.

It was during one of his many trips to a local “mom and pop” photo copy shop near the Empire Hotel that Zak would meet his long time collaborator: Xris Spider, aka, me. My best friend Les and I were in that fateful photocopy shop using a machine that printed small quantities of professional looking business cards, for as little as 5 dollars. This was very handy for the many cons that a young Xris and Les had crafted during their down and out days in a basement squat on the Lower East Side. During a different period of his life, Zak may have protected himself and others from these apparent ruffians. Maybe it was his earliest days as a “teacher of delinquent boys” that attracted Zak to these desheveled 20 somethings. Who can say for sure, maybe it was the guitars on their backs, or quite possibly it was the smilely face logo that stated “jesus loves you” printed on the business cards that were spewing into their hands from the machine. How was Zak to know that the logo was used in jest, and the cards were in fact being used to promote the new timeslot for their irreverent public access show? A necessary promotion after being kicked out of their previous timeslot for “Sabatoging other people’s shows.” Most famously, an alleged psychic advisor who would broadcast live from the neighboring studio at the same time as Team Spider’s live broadcasts.

Well, whatever it was that inspired Zak, soon he was telling them that they “Look like they need a lyricist!” And, that he was just the man for the job.

Now, young Xris and Les, were quite used to dealing with lunatics, and thought Zak seemed like a harmless enough character. They assumed Zak was probably just an old man ranting about whatever popped up in his senile mind. They may have been right about the lunacy, and most definitely the ranting, but they were wrong about the harmlessness and/or senility. Zak had a razor sharp wit, and extensive knowledge of politics, religion, and human relations, all filtered through the wisdom of his years.

The “New York City Phone Book”-sized stack of lyrics the photocopy clerk handed back to Zak, showed he was anything but faking being a prolific lyricist.

So, a youthful version of myself, handed Zak the first of the business cards that had come out of the machine, and said “If you want to perform some lyrics with us, come to the Manhattan Cable Building on this day and time. Our band is called Team Spider, we do a lot of strange stuff and perform live music on TV, you can do something if you like.”

Satisfied, Zak headed off, and the young Xris and Les assumed, that was probably the last they’d ever see of the crazy old lyricist.

They were wrong.

Zak showed up on the night described, lyric packet in hands, ready to “Jump in.”
Which may explain why I, thumbing through Zak’s pages, pulled out a song entitled,”Jump on the lyric.”

-if you want to sing a beautiful sound,
-come join the music
-If you want to swing a beautiful sound,
-come join the music
-Jump, Jump, Jump on the lyric
-Join, Join, come Join the music.

Curiously, the lo tech Atari 2600 video game images that the band projected behind themselves during musical segments, came in right on cue showing footage of a game called Q-Bert. The game features a furry little character who really does nothing more than just “jump jump jump” around. It all came together poetically.

Of course, once again, Xris and Les assumed this might be the last they’d see of the old man. But Zak showed up for the next show, and the next show, and every show after. Whenever Team Spider had a concert, whether it was a dirty illegal squat, a urine stained punk club like CBGB’s, or even a warehouse party miles out of state, Zak would show up, with a fresh batch of lyrics each time.

Zak would cram in vans with squatter punks, scrunch in the back of our “Smashed on every side” VW Golf hatchback. He would even fly on a jet plane if the gig was far enough away. Which was something noteworthy in that Zak had never flown before in his life, save for a 10 minute crop duster ride he paid a nickel for in the 1930’s. After which he had decided “That was enough for me.” But for Team Spider, he entered the world of jet travel, climbing aboard his first airliner at close to the age of 80.

Kids, punks, poets, and radical personalities of all sorts began to expect and look forward to seeing Zak perform at just about every event they could imagine. It did not matter whether Zak was officially on the bill or not. He would usually take the stage, and start some lyric, often ending in a chant–like version of his latest creation. He would then be seen exiting the stage w/ a huge smile on his face, leaving in his dust the event organizers who had no idea what had just happened, norless why every one in the audience was now chanting “ZAK ZAK ZAK!”

Now myself, being a bit of a documentarian, could rarely be seen without some dumpster retrieved video camera rolling away on all of the shenanigans. With VHS becoming replaced by High 8, then Mini DV, and DVD standards. I had a seemingly limitless source of big old cameras, and raw tape stock gathered by myself, Zak, and other Team Spider members who would frequently find boxes of VHS tapes outside of video stores, adult boutiques, or just in the common trash.

The results were aired each week on our public access show, aptly titled VHS or LESS. The show, pre-dated so called “reality” television, and challenged the bloated formulaic world of commercial TV. The basic concept? That Zak and Team Spider’s reality was more creative and interesting then the best fiction that the television industry could apparently imagine. VHS OR LESS was also a pre-cursor to a formula later made famous by the MTV show JACKASS. The weekly episodes usually showcased many insane, often illegal, stunts and schemes. But with out the protection of a major network like MTV, the episodes often ended with Zak and company fleeing from, clashing with, or being arrested by the New York City Police.
Eventually, after successfully irritating and alienating enough of the cable access building’s newest batch of administrators, VHS OR LES was sentenced to a 3am Monday morning timeslot. Refusing to take it in stride, Zak and company secretly turned the show into “Team Spider Television”. Under the new name, the gang would, as we put it, “squat the prime time airwaves,” where we were clearly not wanted. By changing the title, producer name, and now exclusively using home-rigged video editing equipment, we were able to once again get the staggering output of lyrics and music back on the air, to a wide audience, without ever slowing down.

So Zak, without a record label or any traditional means of distribution, releasing only on the spit and glue label they called Team Spider Records, had several underground hit songs. Ranging from his “So-un-punk, that its punk again”, love song “Know that I love You”…

-No matter that all lyrics stall
-Know that this is true
-It matters that love’s epic is true
-Know that I love you, know that I love you

to his infectious anti-Bush anthem “BUSH BUSH BUSH.” Which never failed to have people chanting along at every show…

-BUSH BUSH BUSH
-A BUM BUM BUM
-He BOMB BOMB BOMBED
-The CONSTITUTION

The above Bush ditty, which Zak had originally titled “Bomb the Constitution”, was written in a not so distant past, when criticizing the President was more likely to score you a fist fight and/or a boycott of your records, than a record deal.

Zak also kept his ear to the local ground penning lyrics about New York City’s crack down on Right To Assembly. Most clearly evidenced by Mayor Bloomberg’s arrest of over 200 bicyclists during the Republican National Convention.

-Mayor Mike Bloomberg Hates Bikes
-Rogue Cops Support Him
-Mayor Mike Bloomberg Hates Bikes
-Bikers Report Them

-The judge has given the Okay
-The Judge has Spoken
-So make way

-Mike Bloomberg Hates Bikes!

Zak understood the wider implications of the city’s actions. That the cyclists, who gathered monthly to promote safety and recognition, were facing a danger not limited to just the cell phone talking SUV drivers. They were also victims of an attack made possible by the sleep walking politicians who were busy signing away the rights and privacies that Zak had valued for his entire life.

-My Life, Your Rights
-They slowly drift away
-Ya got that right
-This is my life, this is my right

For all of his public visibility, Zak also thoroughly enjoyed his privacy. Rarely discussing old relationships or why he never chose to marry. He lived in the Empire Hotel for 10 years with out ever letting one of his band mates up to see his room. Not a single member, not even once. “It’s a mess” Zak’d say. “Ahhh, why do you want to go up there?” Leaving us to wait for him outside, or to sneak in to the downstairs Iridium bar where his fellow cool old guy Les Paul, pushing 80 himself, held a weekly jam with visiting rockers. This led us to wonder what was hooked up to the Hotel Empire’s water supply, the fountain of youth? Our stealth skills would have to be utilized, as we’d put our guitars on our backs and sneak past the 20 dollar door fee by saying we were here to “Jam with Les.” Really waiting for Zak to wash up and bring down his latest lyrics before we all headed down to the Lower East Side.

The last time I saw Zak was just a few days before his passing. After rushing around on my bicycle to drop off the latest episode of our cable show at the MNN building, I headed up for an unexpected visit to the Kateri Assisted Living Facility on 87th street. The friendly enough place that had Zak called home for the last 5 months. My visit happened by chance to be the same day that an a’capella girl-group had arrived to perform for the seniors. The young ladies sang Christmas songs in a style popularized by the Andrews Sister back during World War Two USO tours. Within minutes, Zak was a 5th member of the singing quartet, giving the much needed deep baritone echo of “Silver Bells” after each time the angelic ladies sang the chorus. He was as loud as the four ladies put together.

The residents and singers alike had wide grins and shared much laughter as Zak worked himself into every song they put out there. He was a master stealth artist, and he his skills clearly hadn’t dulled with confinement.

Uncharacteristically, I did not have my video camera. And I now realize that I and that group of seniors had unknowingly witnessed Zak’s final live performance.

After the dinner show we headed back to Zak’s room, but not before dropping some smuggled cookies to one of his bed ridden neighbors, ( Zak appeared to be the ring master some elaborate stolen cookie ring which I never fully grasped the complexities of ). Zak was tired. Just before the impromptu cafeteria concert, he and I had spent the afternoon recording some new tunes. Although it was a rare luxury for me to own, nor less being carrying around a fancy new piece of equipment, I had brought my new laptop computer with me. Our traditional “by-any-means-necessary” approach led us to use the build in keyboard microphone as an impromptu vocal mic, allowing us to immediately record the unplanned, freshly conceived , secret hits. The results? Lo fidelity, sonically interesting, but most importantly; satisfying to Zak. Zak also penned a birthday lyric on a card for Team Spider guitarist $am, who, in possibly the widest age gap in any band’s history, was turning 21 that night.

Although Zak quickly fell asleep, I decided I wasn’t leaving without giving Zak a copy of the newly recorded songs. I stayed, mixing the new tunes, until it was pitch dark outside. Eventually I was able to burn them to a CD for him to listen to in his bedside boom box. That boom box was his single worldly possession, If you did not count his single set of clothes, yellow tablet and a pen. The boom box was a much appreciated, collective gift from the entire band. People often would ask if Zak had any family. To which I would always reply “Besides us?” I think Zak was the most frequently visited resident of the entire Kateri Facility. He most certainly had the widest age range of guests and friends they had ever seen.

So, not wanting to wake him, I left a note taped to the railing on his bed that excitedly stated: “Zak, 4 new songs! In the CD player. Push play!”

One of the final lyrics he recorded, was the aptly titled: PULLING TEETH
-It’s like pulling teeth
-Awake or asleep
-For a song we can keep
-Where can I find inspiration
-To write a new song
-Where can I find inspiration
-It’s gone too long
-It’s like pulling teeth
-Eeee-Yoww
-Eeee- Yow
-Eeee- Yooooowwww

Just before heading out, I took, unbeknownst to me, my last look at Zak. Sleeping soundly, famously toothless, looking like a new born baby under his blankets. I exited into the night, unprepared for the cold weather that had arrived during the creative and productive hours spent in the Kateri House.

Cursing the cold wind as it cut right through my minimal layers of a T-shirt and a leather jacket, I bicycled past the ghost bikes erected for cyclists killed on the supposed sanctuary known as the West Side bike path. I did not know that just the night before, a 22 year old cyclist was mowed down on the bike path by a drunk driver. A driver, who had driven the isolated and walled in bike lane for nearly a mile before finding a victim. Another flower covered, white ghost bike memorial would be arriving soon. A young life cut too short.

Soon after, I received word about Zak’s passing.

We all can definitely take solace in the fact that Zak lived a long, long, long, productive life. 80 amazing years. Though never securing a record deal or any commercial success as measured by mainstream standards, a fulfilling and abundant life nonetheless. And now, thanks largely to the world wide “web” known as the Internet, a whole new generation of fans are finding inspiration in Zak’s punk rock words, wisdom, and ways.

Children today are born into a world where expressive outlets and distribution may be limited only by their imagination and creativity. Just as Zak personally inspired all those he met in life, his memory can act as an inspiration to all the future, untamed, prolific spirits as they venture into territories unknown and wholly uncharted. Zak’s tale will most certainly be galvanizing to the people whom society deems too old to live their dreams. He may be particularly emboldening to bands and lyricists who think that although the things they wish to say may not be popular, they are still worth saying. But ultimately, Zak’s life can inspire all people. Whether it be artists working in music, film, video, and any other future forms of media, or just someone who’s looking to make some new friends, Zak’s example can speak volumes to them. All the while simply stating, that perhaps rather than conforming to existing roles, outlets, and ideas, maybe it’s time to create some entirely new ones.

“Remember, I’ll be there for you!” -Joseph Bernard Zak.*

*The most prolific lyricist of all time.

------------------------------------------------------------written by Christopher J. Ryan
aka Xris Spider

COPS LIKE US ?!?! Tompkins Sq, Aug 06

2006-08-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

COPS LIKE US ?!? Tompkins Square 06

So we played with DEFIANCE OHIO on Tompkins Square Park yesterday. It was a strange show for many reasons. Our friend Justin from TIMES UP bicycle advocacy group put it on. Justin had never put together a Tompkins Show before, and wasnt aware of all the many things that go into it, but he ended up doing a great job, and despite the fact that there was no stage and we had to provide the PA system, it was a great show.
Even the police liked it. (!)

Now, in general the Police dont like us at all. At least the ones we have to deal with. Which is usually he high ups, and the down lows (aka beat cops). The average normal cops with real assignments, duties, task forces etc. dont give us much thought or trouble. Maybe they are busy actually solving real crimes. Meanwhile, The beat cops hate us for too many reasons to list here, and the white shirts ( captains ) hate us because in their eyes we always cause them massive headaches. Plus they dont like that we have an idea of what our rights are. Throw in the fact that at some of the shows we throw expose them to mass quantities of people singing Kill Cops in unison, and you have a volatile mix.

Well I was maybe a little hard on Justin in the weeks leading up to the show, but it was mainly to make him solve some problems before they arise, which he did. Such as coming up with a clean up deposit, and petitioning the community board for permits, and hitting the cops up for sound permits etc. There were some of the old annoying things like line up changes in the middle of the show, and no back line, and people going later because they dont have all their gear, blah blah but it all came together in the end. And Justin thanked me for the dry answers / predictions I hit him with over the preceding weeks. Fact was, I didnt have time to get too involved in solving all these things I knew were involved, and I couldnt be my normal Ill take care of it self. I had to trust in things happening, which usually is disastrous, but this all came together.

Early on I put Justin in touch w/ Jerry from C-squat, and Niegel from Serenity Squat to give him some pointers and help out. They came through in spades with Niegel MCing, and Jerry providing his new mixing board. I brought all the mics and stands, and $am brought the PA cabs, and we donated the Team Spider Bass amp, and the show went on. Of course eventually a bunch of cops showed up and demanded permits etc. They went straight to Jerry, and myself. Jerry had a good laugh raising his arms and saying, Hey, This isnt my show.

I still dont know how, but Justin scored a permit from 5pm till 8pm. They never give us permits that late. Especially after the smashing of police van windows and bottle throwing after what is now known as the Cracktober Riot. As far as the Police letting our crowds and us be in the park after dark, they are not having it.

But Justin scored it, and on a Monday, which was a strange experiment unto itself.

But despite it being a weekday, tons of people came out. Some acoustic squatter gypsy punk band did an impromptu show as we set up the electric gear. WOMBAT IN COMBAT kicked off the electric tunes with their punk, metal, hardcore coolness. It was only their second show, and they rocked hard. Then, TEAM SPIDER took the (lack of) stage despite being scheduled later. Reason being that the Psalters need a lot of time to set up, with their massive line-up and strange instrumentation. Plus, DEFIANCE OHIO were lost somewhere in New Jersey.
So, we had a fun set, somewhat short, but high energy. And since there were no monitors I was singing extra loud and it started to do my voice in, so I wasnt so unhappy with the shorter than normal set.

The PSALTERS were a cool surprise. Very tribal, lots of members with lots of unusual percussive instruments etc. Plus Violins. Speaking of violins, BEN from Team Spider was unable to play because he has to focus on his dissertation. But, rest assured we will be dragging his skinny butt into the studio this summer whether he likes it or not.

Finally, DEFIANCE OHIO made it to the park, one guy who I assumed was the guitarist, borrowed a high E string from me, but he turned out to be the drummer. So I dont know if he sold the string for crack or what, but he and the rest of the band kicked ass. Due to playing at ground level, people started to gather next to the bands, and then behind the bands, and by the time Defiance Ohio took the stage it was as if they were playing in the round. The people were all around them like a big warm donut, and the PA cabs were blasting out away from where anyone surrounding the band could hear them. So the cabinets just played music for the average park go-errs who must have been wondering if there was a live band in the middle of this mass of people jumping up and down in the park.

Needless to say, it was a lot of fun. And no annoying heat wave weather. A beautiful day. And in the end, the cops came and talked to us and actually said they had a great time. The ninth precint Captain even wanted to get Psalters CDs for his drive home. Ha. I think Justin being such a positive guy, wearing a shirt with giant letters stating DRUG FREE helped endear him to the cops.

I think they were so used to being bombarded by Smoke Crack, Kill Cops, Burn Churches shows, that they were happy some religious vegan bicycle nut was putting on a show.

When Jerry announced he has permits to do a show every weekend in OCTOBER, including a Halloween Smoke In at City Hall, they just shook their heads amused, and accepting, rather than the normal reaction of Well see about that.

So, free punk shows on the park are back.

With a vengeance.

-------(rebuild the bandshell),
---------------XRIS

ps. afterwards we saw THE BULLYS, and BLACKOUT SHOPPERS at MANITOBA's. They both were great, our first show ever was with the bully's. And last night they told us that was their first show ever. Team Spider, The Bully's, and Sewage at some bar near the world trade towers. ah, the memories. FREE SPIKE! (more on this another day )

Criminal Mass Premier / Revolocity Party

2006-05-21T14:55:00.000-07:00

aight
a crazy last couple of days...
first
the new TEAM SPIDER movie:
CRIMINAL MASS premiered at THE BICYCLE FILM FEST
and was a huge hit,
dispite it being a sunday night, and mother's day none the less,
it had lines around the block, and many poor folk had to be turned away...

but fear not, you will have a chance to see it again
at the Lower East Side arts fest, SAT may 27th,
nicely placed between a JIM JARMUSCH film, and a rare BAD BRAINS concert movie...

also TEAM SPIDER, rocked the REVOLOCITY -benefit party--
to raise Money for people Arrested for riding their bikes on Criitcal Mass.
this is a cause close to Team Spider's hearts,
because of course we are all riders, some of us have even met in Paddy Wagons, but MAINLY, because this event is being run by FREEWHEELS, a non profit group formed by Xris and his Paddy Wagon mates from his arrest in febuary 04
( are there easier ways to make friends,,,? please... tell us....)

we debuted the new song "THE SMOLKA POLKA" in honor of ASSISTANT CHIEF SMOLKA, who heads the task force against Critical Mass,
known for yanking girls off of bikes by their hoods / chain belts, even with a full cup o Starbucks in his hand

we made shirts, there are a couple shirts left, hit us at the Myspace/teamspider is you want to get one,,, highly collectible / delectable

ZAK's iPod needs WELL WISHERS

2006-03-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

yo,
Zak is back in hospital
we are filling up an ipod with messages/well wishes to zak
more info at teamspider.com

dfifference 'tween: LESBIANS and ELECTRICIANS

2006-03-19T12:09:00.000-08:00

I'll meet you over there.... uh, later.

HAPPY THIRD ANNIVERSARY!

so, here it is. the third anniversary of the WAR IN IRAQ. You remeber, the one that was started w/out the support of the American People, George Clooney, or the Iraqi people who the soldiers were supposedly helping, Here's to you honey!

My friend Eric went up to the 'protests' at Times Square, but said it was uneventlful, guess the protestors have moved on. Mabe to Iran, they are always preempting somethin'.

====MY 2 FAVORITE THINGS Eric told me about the PROTEST,
1) Eric snuck into a construction site to use their Porta-Potty, and saw this grafitti:
-"Whats the difference between ELECTRICIANS, and LESBIANS?...
They dont do DICK."-

which makes either no sense at all, or is so complex that you would have to be a crippled little gnome in an electric wheel chair talking out of a mr roboto voice box to wrap your monkey brain around it.
Eric said: "Lesbians, i can understand, but whats this guy's beef with Electricians?". Now me, being a part-time electrician, should take offense to this guy, but, if he had succumbed to the obvious and written "What do they have in common?", like a true non-artist would have, perhaps he would have touched a nerve sending me into a plastic porta-potty wall-punching fury, but since he is a secret subconscious genius, trapped in a world of wife beating and Trump loving,
I shall say this: Brother, we have been waiting your arrival....

which brings us to funny thing witnessed ny Eric #2.
2) Bored by the lack of attendance, feeling of ineffectiveness, and the fact that his greatest stimualtion was comin from a plastic Dr. Who Tartus filled with human bile, Eric spotted some ominous looking people wearing black neckerchiefs over their faces. A sure sign that the BLACK BLOC were in town and there was gonna be some "un-permitted" mayhem,,,,

well, closer inspection revealed the gangs signs....

all i can say is.. YES YES YES.
Genius!!!!
smart Bombs my ass
Commodification?!
misrepresentation!!
stephen Hawking elation!!!!
hell -this is new earth we're creatin'?!
god, damn
why did i skip this protest???,
clearly it is only now getting interesting...

the uniform of the Black Bloc, everyone's favorite dumpster burning, starbuck smashing, SuV Torching gang 'o kids, has been adopted by some bizzare, embarrassed by their own actions / COMPLETELY LEGAL activities! HA. What the hells gonna happen when these guys run into each other. it will be the funniest thing i've seen since I saw the billionaires for Bush, encounter An Actual Pro Bush Rally, on the great lawn in DC!!!. They all had the same signs! you could see them both trying to discern which slogans contained sarcasm and which didnt. Cops on horses had to break them up and couldn't figure out which side to treat with the heavy hand... genius!

photo courtesy http://www.billionairesforbush.com

FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND< THERE WAS INCREDIBLY LOW ATTENDANCE AT THE PROTESTS: not just here, but world wide,
the attendance #'s were disputed as usual, but now it is down to: the cops say 2000, we think it was more like 5000, vs. cops say 30,000, and clearly there were at least 100,000.
*** wanna talk DEMORALIZING THE TROOPS?...
imagine that now even the protestors DONT CARE about you and your situation. At least not enough to leave theirs homes on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

*...at least the M.I.A. Vietnam vets could take comfort that the only person who even knew they were alive was Chuck Norris.

LET IT SNOW/ CHENEY's got a GUN

2006-02-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

SO
NYC has been hit with record snowfall.
26inches.

which we knew before the report because our 26" bike frames were buried.

took some pics on way to ABC no RIO
enjoy...*
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ps. Dick Cheney illustrated all of his military training & experience as he accidentally shot a friend in the face, arms, and chest. LOOKOUT.

ZAK IS BACK!!! Vcr/movies/wtd.

2006-02-11T14:12:00.000-08:00

**ZAK** is home and feeling fine! he wont be getting out much so we are gonna get him a **VCR** and hook him with a ton of old **VHS MOVIES**... anyone with a extra neglected VCR and dust covered movies who wants to donate some stuff... hit us up at
.. zapzak(((at))teamspider.com thanx

ps. we printed all the comments and well
wishing..and read em all to him, to which he replied
"get lost".
so he appears to have made a full recovery

FEB 14 found F'n GUILTY

2006-02-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

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------the **"FEB 14"*** group of CRITICAL MASS FREEDOM FIGHTERS finally had their day in court. One year later, and despite the prosecution presenting virtually no case, all the defendants were found GUILTY ( including Xris from team spider ). He will be presenting his personal transcript / sketches from the entire ordeal, possibly also to appear at the http://bikeblog.blogspot.com website... more to come

Forget Pedro- Vote Team Spider

2006-02-11T14:08:00.000-08:00

Forget Pedro!
Send TEAM SPIDER to Vegas, to play with the Toasters, Fishbone, more!
we will kick this festivals ass, no horns, no fancy nerd shirts, str8 up political punk / gambling problems & troublemaking, which we will videotape and post it all fer yer enjoyment

copy this link to go right to our voting spot
http://www.skasummit.com/isc/band_info.php?id=283
**********no hanging chads, punch that shit hard*********

==campaign promises==
-we reduce our nations dependency on our sweet sweet sweet oil
-we will never tap your phones(but may shoot some night vision vids )
-we will stop the genetic engineering of geranimals
-we will post naked photos of us rolling in money for your pleasure
-we will kick some major SKANK SKA DIRTY METAL ass...
-and sacrifice a full marching band's worth of dork rejects to satan

thank you
and god bless america

TEAM SPIDER
voting must be done by feb 14th 2006
*****do it now!

COPY THIS link, takes 2 secs.. this vote WILL be heard
http://www.skasummit.com/isc/band_info.php?id=283